14 Days to a Happier Marriage

8/6/2019 14 Days to a Happier Marriage

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14 DAYS TO A HAPPIER MARRIAGE

Tracie Miles

Challenges:

Introduction

1. Prayer

2. Promote3. Perspective

4. Provide

5. Protect

6. Play

7. Practice \

8. Pursue

9. Pardon

10. Peace

11. Partner

12. Plant

13. Paradigm Shift

14. Persevere

DAY ONE: INTRODUCTION

LOVE, RESPECT AND ADMIRATION

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her

husband." Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

When I married my wonderful husband twenty years ago, I fully intended to unconditionally love, respectand admire him. I had great intentions of being the perfect wife, with sweet words, a romantic kiss and

dinner on the table every evening. But then careers took off, bills increased, children were born, laundry

piles grew, and life got chaotic. Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectationsfor whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect.

When marriage doesn't meet the unrealistic expectations we imagine before the wedding, and real life

kicks in, women can inadvertently get lured into tearing down their husbands, and their marriages as

well.

In fact, the longer couples are together, the easier it becomes to not only see each other's flaws, but to

mercilessly criticize them. This eventually leads to low tolerances, short tempers, minimal patience, and a

woeful lack of marital bliss. As a result, those gifts of unconditional love, respect and admiration that

were once offered so freely become gifts that we are not so willing to offer at all.

A few months ago I picked up The Man Whisperer, written by my friend and author Rick Johnson. Thetitle intrigued me, as I was anxious to rekindle some passion in my own marriage Little did I know that

God would use the truths shared in this book to step on my toes and cause me to take an inward look.

Many relationship topics are covered, but as I read, God convicted my heart about things I had said to my

husband just days earlier. As I recalled some of the critical comments that had rolled off my tongue so

easily, I became overwhelmed with regret and disappointment. I had fallen into a bad habit of tearing

down my man with my words, not fully realizing the toll it was taking on him. Most importantly, I beganto realize the powerful influence I have on my husband and marriage by simply choosing words that


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encourage, instead of discourage.

As women, we have the power to build up or tear down our husbands every day, merely by the respect we

give and the amount of faith we let him know we have in him. Respect and admiration are two of the

most powerful tools a woman has to influence her husband. I realized I had fallen short lately in givingthose two precious gifts to my man.

I prayed, asking God to help me control my tongue and fill my heart and mouth with words that would

make my husband feel appreciated, admired, respected and loved, regardless of whether I felt he deserved

it. I prayed that God would convict my heart when critical thoughts crept into my mind, and help me

avoid the temptation to say them out loud.

Within just a few weeks, I saw a change - in me, in my husband's demeanor, and in our relationship: a

change that rekindled that unconditional love, respect and admiration that I set out to give him all along,

and that I also wanted in return.

Through a wife's gifts of unconditional love, respect, and admiration, we can help our husbands become

the great men that God created them to be, and in turn, create the marriages we always dreamed of.

Dear Lord, help me to tame my tongue and focus on building up my man. Help me break free of the habit

to criticize, even when warranted. Open my eyes to the positive, not the negative. Draw us closer, and

help us both nurture a strong and loving marriage. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

DAY TWO:

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 1: PRAYER

About ten years ago, God sent me a present. No, it did not come in the mail or fall out of the sky, but I

have no doubt that it was a gift straight from heaven. Let me explain.

Back when my children were much younger, my husband and I were going through a really rough time.

The stress of jobs, small kids, finances, and relationship problems had become overwhelming and

emotionally taxing.

After yet another heated argument, I found myself feeling so disheartened, that I hardly knew what to do.

Strange as it may sound, I decided to go to the car wash (which I do not do very often, so the fact that

God nudged me to get the car washed was a miracle in itself!).

As I drove towards the Auto Bell, I could no longer hold back the tears. I thought I had tried everything

possible to improve our marriage and felt emotionally worn out from worrying about our relationship.

I arrived to my destination, handed over my car, paid my bill, and proceeded to take a seat in the emptywaiting room. I sat there, all alone, feeling low in spirit and clueless about how to be a good wife and

what needed to be done to fix my marriage. I began pleading with God to show me a sign, to give me an

answer to my concerns; to tell me what I needed to do to make things better between me and my husband.

As I sat there trying not to cry, consumed with my thoughts, I happened to glance down at the dirty,

beaten up old table beside me......and laying on the table was the book called "The Power Of A Praying

Wife", by Stormie Omartian.


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My heart not only skipped a beat, I think it skipped a few beats. I thought "Wow! God sent me a book!"

I burst into tears in gratitude and thankfulness, praising God for sending me the "sign" that I had asked

for. I believe with all my heart that God had divinely ordained for someone to leave that exact book, inthat exact car wash waiting room, on the exact day that I would choose to get my car washed for the first

time in many, many months. He arranged for me to find that book, just moments after I had surrenderedto Him, and pleaded for His intervention.

I eagerly drove home in my unusually clean car, plopped myself onto the couch, and opened the pages of

the book, only to have my breath taken away again - to my surprise, Stormie's husband's name was

Michael - my husband's name was Michael! Almost a bit creepy huh? But a wonderful supernatural-

surprise-which-gives-you-chill-bumps kind of creepy!

God had sent me a tangible answer to prayer with the gift of that book. An answered prayer that I could

hold in my hand and gain wisdom and strength from. An answer that I knew only He could have

ordained. An answer that I could tuck safely away, and pull out to hold each time I needed some

reassurance of His love and concern for me.

God made it crystal clear, that the one vital thing my marriage had been missing, was prayer FOR my

husband, not about him.

As I read through the first few pages of the book, I was acutely aware that the words on the pages couldhave easily been written by me. The raw feelings the author expressed were so close to my own thoughts

and feelings, that I hardly knew how to process it all, and with each page, God spoke truth and healing

into my wounded heart.

From that day forward, I made a commitment to pray for my husband, even when I didn't feel like it, even

when I didnt want to, even if I didnt think he deserved those prayers. To pray for him when things were

going great between us, and to pray for him when things were not so great. To pray for his work, financial

decisions, sexuality, affection, temptations, fears, purpose, choices, health, protection, trials, integrity,reputation, priorities, relationships, fatherhood, attitude, emotions, deliverance, and faith (many of the

chapters reviewed in the book).

I also made a commitment to stop asking God to fix my husband's flaws, and start asking Him to open my

eyes to what I could fix about myself that would improve our relationship. Yes, that was hard, and took

some humility to admit that I was not without fault too, and to be honest, it is a prayer I find myself

continually praying even to this day. It can be hard, but sometimes, the things that bring the most

blessings, can be the some of the hardest things that God calls us to do.

Stormie Omartian says this on page 14 of her book: "A husband can hurt your feelings, be inconsiderate,uncaring, abusive, irritating and negligent. He can say or do things that pierce your heart like a sliver.

And every time you start to pray for him, you find the sliver festering. Its obvious you cant give yourselfto praying the way God wants you to until you are rid of it."

She goes on to say that sometimes our marriages get to such a point of hurt and despair that we feel

emotionally paralyzed and incapable of making good decisions - which is what ultimately leads to

divorce, and that when we are in the middle of an unfulfilling relationship, divorce seems almost like a

"promise of pleasant relief".

That is a powerful statement, and one that I think will resonate with many of you, based on the numerous


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comments that were left last week, which spoke of utter despair, frustration, hopelessness, loneliness, and

the absolute exhaustion of trying to make your marriage relationship better. I understand those feelings,

because I have been there.... but there is hope.

On this particular day, in a damp, smelly car wash, that hope was dropped in my lap, through thisprecious book that God gave had arranged for me to have.

After that day, I began to pray for my marriage like I had never done before. And just like Stormie states

she had to do, I also had to confess my own hardness of heart each time, and ask God for the strength to

put aside my feelings, and focus on Him. I had to learn to forgive. I had to learn to pray for my husband,

and admit that not praying for him, was not getting us anywhere. I had to lay my marriage at His feet, and

let go.

Slowly, but surely, I began to see changes. I began to see God work in our relationship. And, on May

26th, Michael and I will celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. We still have bumps in the road,

and problems that call for deeper prayer and dependence on God at times, but I truly believe that it was

my commitment to begin praying for my husband that has made all the difference in the world.

Is our life a peaceful harmonic melody all the time? Absolutely not. We are definitely not perfect. Weargue and squabble over silly and important things. We disagree about how to spend money, how to raise

the kids, and who has not done enough around the house lately. But no matter what we are going through,

I know I can take it to the Lord. I know He will hear my prayers. I know I can trust Him to help us work

through any issue, big or small.

You see, a wife's prayers are powerful. It may take a few weeks, months or years to see the full impact of

your prayers, but the prayers of a wife for her husband have power. John 15:7 says, "If you remain in me

and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." If you desire a loving and

committed marriage, God can help you reach you and your husband reach that goal.

So, to begin this challenge, I want to challenge you to pray for your husband, today, and every day for the

next thirteen days. Hopefully, regardless of how hard or awkward it may feel at first, you will begin anew habit which you can continue to do every day for years to come.

If your marriage is going great right now, then pray for your husband. If your marriage is on the rocks,

then pray for your husband. If your marriage is all but over, then pray for your husband. If you are getting

married soon, then pray for your husband-to-be. Even if the problems you are experiencing in your

marriage, if any, are not your fault at all, praying is still the first step towards positive change. And while

you are praying, BELIEVE that God hears your prayers, and that He will begin to bless you.

I feel confident that you will begin to see God blessing you, as you spend time in His presence every day,

and eventually, you will see Him blessing your marriage as well.

Stormie ends the first chapter of her book by sharing a profound statement, that says "It's yourresponsibility to pray. It's Gods job to answer. Leave it (your marriage) in His hands." When wesurrender, only then can God take control.


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DAY THREE

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 2: PROMOTE

My Proverbs 31 devotionfrom February 11th, which launched this 14 day Marriage Challenge, primarily

talked about the influence that our words have on our husbands.

I once read that marriage is not 50/50 as the old saying goes, but instead it is really 100/100! What a

profound statement, because if you think about it, regardless of what we are trying to work at, if we only

offer 50% of our efforts, the outcome is not going to be what we had hoped for. If we only give half of

our efforts, how can we expect a complete result?

In the book I mentioned in last week's devotion, The Man Whisperer,Rick talks a great deal about this

subject of the influence our words have on our husbands.

I think that most of us would admit that if there are changes that we desire in our husbands, it is probably

because we genuinely want them to be the best they can be. But regardless of the reason we may want

them to change, the truth remains that there is really no way to change them - only God can truly do that.

However - we can give him a reason to change himself, by focusing on what is good, instead of just

trying to fix all that is wrong. When we fail to do that, the door is opened for Satan to creep in and begin

taking his toll on the relationship. I have fallen prey to that trap myself, and maybe you have as well.

The goal, through prayer and selfless intention, should be to subtly guide and build up a husband so that

he can become the man God intended for him to be, and the husband that we long for; to help a man

recognize his own self worth, by seeing himself through the adoration of his wife.

The truth is that men have to desire to change, before they will work towards changing....but the goodnews, is that women can motivate their men to want to change, through using tools of love, respect and

admiration, but the key is remembering to say those words when we feel them.

My husband is a General Contractor by trade, and with the economy the way it is, there are barely any

buildings out there to contract to build. This lack of work has nothing to do with my husbands ability as a

contractor, but when business is bad, he takes the blame on himself, which is what most men do, since

they are built with an innate desire to be good providers.

I have told Michael several times in the past few months that he has always been a great contractor, and

always will be, regardless of how business is going. I want him to know that I respect his career, his

ability, his talents, his skills, and his provision for our family. I want him to know that I still admire him

and what God has gifted him to do, even when things are looking grim.

This is just one small example, and I could list many things to compliment my husband about... the trickis, whether or not I actually do it. There have been days when I have been away from Michael, and

thinking such fond thoughts of him, such as how much I love him and how glad I am to be his wife, but

then when he got home from work, I never mentioned those things, and instead fussed about something

not done to my liking.

Why didn't I just share all those loving thoughts with him, instead of voicing the negative or neutral

thoughts? The culprit is simply a habit - a habit that needs breaking. I have heard it takes 21 days for a

new habit to form; for it to become second nature to us, instead of something we have to focus on doing.
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Each one of us is in a habit with our words - a habit of tearing down, or a habit of building up. It is our

choice.

The challenge for today is to let your man know how worthy of your love he really is. For some, this

might be an easy task, but for others it might take some long hard thinking to come up with why hedeserves your love. If you cant think of anything, then pray about it. Ask God to prick your memory or

bring something to mind that you do admire about your husband, especially if lots of ugly things arecoming to mind first.

Make a list of positive things about your husband, and then pick one or two of those things to compliment

him about today. Pray for God to give you an opportunity to compliment him, and then if you have not

done so in a long time and it seems awkward, ask God to put the words on your lips, and to soften your

husbands heart to be receptive.

Last week, a reader sent me a private email thanking me for the devotion, but also sharing a personal

story. She stated that her husband was not an emotional or affectionate man, and that their relationship

was strained. She was hesitant to try to compliment him, because she did not think he would be

responsive or appreciative. But she stated that as soon as she spoke those words of encouragement to him,

he "melted like a marshmallow". I just loved that analogy!

I am not saying that all men are like marshmallows, but all men do need encouragement, and need to

believe that they are respected and admired. We might be surprised at the response a few sweet words can

elicit, and maybe see a side of our husbands that we have not seen before.

Hebrews 10:24 says "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds"- a perfect verse for todays challenge.

Many of you mentioned in your comments last week that building up your husband with your words is an

area that you needed to work on. So ladies, we are going to put our words to the test!

I will be praying for all of you! Now read below to find out how you can enter to win some reallyvaluable giveaways from the Proverbs 31 family! Click on each link to find out how to enter on the

different sites, and good luck! :)

DAY FOUR

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 3: PERSPECTIVE

In the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I had different ideas of what marriage was

supposed to be like, and when those two worlds of thinking collided, friction resulted.

Although we had both accepted Christ as children, and grew up in Christian homes, neither of us had avery strong faith. In fact for the first years of our marriage, we went to church pretty irregularly. But

when our first child was born, we sought out a church home, both of us knowing the importance of raising

our children to love the Lord, even though we were not doing a very good job of doing it ourselves.

Even though we were not actively walking in faith each day, I still longed for a 'spiritual leader' in my

home, and for years, I had a skewed vision in my heart of what that was .


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Many women carry the wrong image of what a spiritual leader looks like, because we look to our pastors

and elders of the church as our role models. We see deacons or other male leaders in the church and wish

that our husbands were more like them. In the same way, I had that picture in my head of what a spiritual

leader was.

I envisioned a man on his knees every morning, maybe even wearing a nice blue suit, with an open Bible,

pouring over scriptures and treating everyone in his life with extreme compassion. I had a picture of aperfect husband, who never hurt his wife's feelings, never betrayed her trust, never made her feel

neglected, and met each and every one of her expectations.

But one day, I heard something that shattered that mental picture completely.

I was listening to a speaker talk about marriage and faith. I listened intently about what God expected of

men and women, and how we should fulfill our roles as spouses and parents. Then she began talking

about the spiritual leader of the household and my ears perked up.

I was ready to have my opinions fully validated by this woman, whom I was sure shared my mental

picture of mister perfect. I was fully prepared for her to even express some sympathy for those of us who

did not have a spiritual leader in their homes.

However, what this speaker said was not what I expected to hear. She did not describe a spiritual leader of

the home with the description that matched my mental picture. She did not describe any prince charmings

on white horses. And she did not describe deacons in blue suits, pastors or Bible-toting elders.

She simply said, that a husband who is the spiritual leader of his home is one loves God, loves his wife,

loves his family, and provides for their needs.

Hmmmm. Wait a minute. What about all that other stuff? What about what I want him to do? What about

how I want him to be? What about my need for a Godly husband? What about praying, and knee bending,

and bible toting?

Friends, God really stepped on my toes big time with that one. Ouch.

You see, until then, I had only been looking at the churchy-spiritual things that my husband was not

doing. I had been focused on the 'Godly-man mold' in my head that he was not fitting into. I had been

taking for granted the things that he did do that found favor in Gods eyes, because I was consumed with

frustration about the things he was doing that God did not look favorably upon.

Certainly, he needed to strengthen his walk with the Lord, as did I. Certainly he needed to make some

changes in his lifestyle, as did I. And certainly he was not living a life that was fully devoted to Christ,

and nor was I.

But he was a good man. He loved me. He loved our children. He helped keep the nursery at church. Hedonated his time and money to people in need. He was a hard worker. He came home from work every

night. He provided food, shelter, necessities, and more.

Not perfect, not without fault, not without mistakes, not without room for improvement in some areas -

but nonetheless, a leader in our home.

God impressed upon my heart to try to see my husband through His eyes, instead of my own. He called

me to see him for who he was, not who I wanted him to be.


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I was not able to do that overnight and it took a while for me to embrace that new perspective. There are

still days when God has to remind me about that. But after God placed that new mental picture into my

head of what a spiritual leader was, I have never forgotten it.

It is probably safe to say that it is the deepest desire of every Christian woman's heart, to have a husband

who loves and serves the Lord, and who lives each day as a portrayal of a Godly man, basing all of hisdecisions on whether or not God would approve. I know that has always been my hearts desire, and it is

probably yours too.

I still pray daily for the Lord to draw my husband closer to Him, and to orchestrate things in his life and

in his heart that will continue to make him love the Lord more and more. I pray for his faith, and his

courage to live out his faith, especially in the face of temptation and important decisions. I pray for him to

have the confidence to pray with me, and our children, and for our faith to grow as a family unit.

And many of those prayers have already been answered. The faith of my husband, along with my own,

has come a long way in the past few years. In fact, my man was recently elected to serve as a Deacon in

our church, and you can just imagine that I was one proud wife!

I feel very blessed to have a believing husband, but I recognize that not every woman has that. In fact, I

have some close friends whose husbands are not believers, and it breaks my heart to see the turmoil in

their hearts of knowing that their spouses do not know Jesus.

However, spiritual leadership has to begin somewhere, and if your husband is providing for your physical

and financial needs, and loves you and your family, then he is halfway there when it comes to meeting

Gods expectations of him.

Maybe he does not outwardly express his faith or do some of the churchy-spiritual things we would like,

but if he is a believer, and he provides and loves, he is the spiritual leader of your home.

If your husband is not a believer, never give up hope that God can open his eyes and orchestrate events inhis life that will help him begin to thirst for a relationsihp with the Lord. The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:1b,

"...if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of theirwives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

Maybe you have spent years praying for your husbands heart, with no signs of him coming around yet.

Dont lose faith that God can reach him, and that through your continued prayers, God will help him have

the desire to strive to be more, by watching the way you live your life.

Never underestimate the power that a praying wife can have on her husbands heart.

When my husband learned several months ago that he had been nominated to be a Deacon at our church,

he prayed about it, and wanted to be sure that was what God was calling him to do, and he also asked formy opinion.

I confided in him that I had been praying hard for years, for God to call him into a position of spiritual

leadership and deeper faith. A few weeks later, I heard him telling some other men to watch out for what

their wives were praying for, because God listens and you never know what will happen when a wife

prays. I thought that was priceless!

Your challenge today is to ask God to help you see your husband through HIS eyes. To look at him with


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the expectations of what God expects of a spiritual leader, and not the mental picture we may have in our

head. To not compare him to other husbands who we think are more spiritual, but to pray for God to

move in our husbands heart so that he can begin to embrace his role as spiritual leader, as well as physical

leader. To keep praying for his heart if he is not a believer, and trusting that God is working on his heart

in ways you cannot see yet.

Also, seek out the Holy Spirit's guidance in seeing the little ways that God is changing your husbandsheart, instead of only focusing on the outward, more noticeable changes in behavior or actions. God may

be at work, in little ways, that eventually turn into big ways, and it will be well worth the wait.

When a wife prays, God listens, a mans heart can change, and great things can happen. Lets change our

perspectives today about the most important men in our life, and "see" what happens.

DAY FIVE

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 4: PROVIDE

Todays challenge is about providing... but wait....isnt the man typically supposed to be the primary

provider? Yes, of course, although there are times when the wife is the primary provider or makes more

money than her husband, which is perfectly fine as well. However, today I am not talking about financial

or physical provision, but about providing the intangible and heartfelt things that make our husbands feel

loved and appreciated. The word 'provide' for todays purposes, are about providing for the heart, not for

the home.

Lets take a brief interlude here, though, and say what you are all probably thinking right about now, on

this fourth day of focusing on our husbands.... "But what about me? What about my needs? What aboutmy feelings? What about my desires? Why is it all about me changing, and nothing about him changing?What about his faults? What about the problems that he has brought into our relationship, or the hurt he

has caused me?"

I know! I have to keep trying to push those feelings aside too sometimes, especially as I am spending so

much time right now focusing on marriage. My mind is guilty of drifting back to negative thoughts,

reviewing my mental lists of his faults and mistakes, and thinking of ways that he needs to change.

Maybe you have some of those thoughts too, which is why I thought it was important to acknowledge that

we all have them, and remind us not to be too hard on ourselves. No matter how much we desire to be a

good wife, we are only human. In fact, if we didnt have some self focused tendencies, and have some past

hurts bubble up, we would not be normal.

And that is exactly why Gods Word says to love and respect unconditionally, otherwise, it might be

impossible to come up with our own motivation to do so, especially when heartache and bad memories

seem t outweigh the desire to pamper a husband. That is exactly why God calls us to treat others the waywe want to be treated, not the way we may actually be treated. But frankly, that can be a real challenge in

any relationship - especially in marriage.

Day after day of the same old annoying, aggravating habits can take a toll on a relationship. Extreme

betrayal and hurt feelings can take a toll on a relationship. Unforgiveness and anger can take a toll on a

relationship.


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So if we are not careful, we can become so consumed with what our husbands should be doing better or

the things they have done to hurt us or neglect us, that bitterness and resentment can mount high - and

these feelings certainly do not do much for keeping a marriage strong and healthy and happy.

As I began writing today about providing for our husband's every day needs, I recalled a blog post writtenby my sweet friendRenee Swope a few years ago (click on her name to read the entire post), which was

called "Faith In The Little Things". Below is an excerpt from it:

Sometimes I saw my role as a wife and mother as "average" responsibilities - one-talent kind ofassignments. Plenty of people have the same assignments, I thought. Without realizing it, I believed it

wouldn't matter much if I were a little selfish, inconsiderate or impatient here and there. But God wantedmy willingness in every area of my life - here and now.

Why would God require absolute obedience? Because He wants us to trust Him. He knows that whenwe're obedient with ordinary assignments we can be trusted with extraordinary assignments. He sayswhen we are faithful with the little things, He'll "put us in charge of many things" and give us a deeper

joy than we have ever known. (Matthew 25:21) Author Beth Moore reminds us that "the answers Godgives us in our tomorrows often flow from our faithful todays."

I just thought Renee's comments were so perfect for todays topic, because so often, it is not the big things

that prevent me from providing for my husbands needs, its all the little things.

Honestly, sometimes I get just plain tired of picking up socks and underwear off the floor, looking at thepile of clothes in the chair beside the bed, and wondering why I am the only person in the entire family

who knows how to open the dishwasher, operate the washing machine, or take out the trash.

But I know I can change my attitude and my heart anytime, by focusing on the fact that God has placed

me in the position of provider for needs, for my wonderful husband and for my sweet children. This is

truly a position of honor and blessing, and one that God has called me to do in this season of my life.

When I begin to get resentful, I sometimes have to quickly remind myself to be thankful for all these littlethings that I have to be faithful in doing, even if they are not noticed or appreciated - because God has

appionted wived to be the heart of the home, and a huge part of that is to meet needs, big and small, of

those she loves.

Just think, it could be worse.... if I didnt have a husband, I wouldnt have dirty clothes in a chair; if I didnt

have kids, I wouldnt have so many dishes; f I didnt have a home and money to buy groceries, I would

never have to worry about cleaning or taking out the trash. And so on.

I would definitely not trade my husband or family for an easier, less-stressful or less clutter-filled day.

These are the little things that God has called me to be faithful in, and I am eternally thankful for thisblessing of being a provider.

Renee's post inspired me years ago to be faithful in meeting the every day needs of the husband whom

God has placed in my life, and to consider him a blessing instead of a commitment. Now, trust me when I

say that I do have my bad days at times (just ask my husband!), but generally I am better at keeping this

positive mindset than I used to be.

Friends, your challenge today is to think of some little ways that you can show love for your husband, and

provide for his need of wanting to be taken care of and doted on. I think one of the favorite ways my

husband likes to be 'provided' for(no, its not what you are thinking, but we'll get to that later!) is making
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him breakfast on Saturday morning... .not just a warmed up chocolate pop-tart - but a big ham and cheese

omelet, grits, country ham, and anything else that would fall into the category of a down home southern

breakfast. It always makes him smile, and it makes me smile too.

So try to think of some ways to bring a smile to your husbands face when he walks in the door after along day at work, or when he wakes up on a lazy saturday morning. Think of a few things that you know

are important to him, and make an effort to do some of those things today and in the coming weeks.Consider ways that you can bless him, without feeling the need to be thanked for it.

And in your prayer time, ask God to help you be aware of what his needs may be, and to pick up subtle

hints that he may give of what he wants and desires, especially if he is not the kind of man that shares his

needs and feelings openly. Sometimes their basic or most common complaints can be clues to what their

heart really longs for.

Okay friends, I am signing off for now - headed into the bedroom to put up a pile of clothes on the chair

beside the bed. Maybe it will go unnoticed, but thats okay, because God blesses our faithfulness as we

allow Him to work through us to meet the needs of others.

Matthew 7:12 Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to

do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is whatyou get. (The Message)

Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through

Christ has forgiven you. (NLT)

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful

nature; rather, serve one another in love. (NIV)

DAY SIX

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 5: PROTECT

Yes, the man is supposed to be the protector of his wife. Men are supposed to be protectors of us women,

with their strong hands and overall manliness.

However, today, I want to talk about how we can protect our husband and our marriage at the same time,

through protecting his honor. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,always perseveres", which means to love with a love that protects.

To give a protecting" type of love means to be very careful about who we share personal details of our

married life with, especially the sharing of those areas of our relationships that need extra help and Godly

counsel.

A man's reputation is a very important aspect of his being, and is what fuels his self esteem, giving him

the confidence to be the big, strong protector that God called him to be, and that most of the time, we

want him to be.


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But what about those times when our men are not acting honorably? When their choices bring heartbreak,

consequences, or strife in the marriage? When decisions they make negatively affect them, the marriage,

and the rest of the family?

In times like those just mentioned, it is hard to think of honor, instead of revenge. And it is hard to honor

someone whom you are losing, or have lost, respect for. However, it can be done, if we seek Godsstrength, courage, and rely on Him to help us do what we dont feel like doing at all.

There have been countless times over the past twenty years where I desperately wished that I had a group

of friends that I could tell all of my woes too. I have friends, of course, but I have just never felt

comfortable spilling all of my problems and feelings onto the table for everyone to see and experience

and judge.

But I have to admit, that in the heat of the moment, when my husband and I get into an argument, or when

he does something that hurts me, I usually have those same 'tell-all' desires bubble up again every time.

We women want to talk, talk, talk - it is how God made us!

So in those times of intense emotion, I immediately begin thinking about who I could call to vent andexpress my anger to. I kind of just want to talk to someone who can make me feel better, validate my

feelings, and tell me that things will be okay.

Then I begin feeling sorry for myself that I dont feel as if I have anyone that I really want to share mymost private feelings with, for fear of embarrassing my husband or myself. And even though my mother

is my best friend, I dont normally tell her about the big issues either!

But as always, time heals, the argument ends, and in some cases, the issue that caused the situation seems

much smaller, sometimes even silly, in retrospect.

Eventually my husband and I make up, hurt and anger subside or at least decreases, restoration occurs and

life gets back to normal.

It is in that moment, that I am so thankful that I did not act on my desire to tell other people negative

things about my husband, words that were said, mistakes that were made, or harsh feelings that I was

holding in my heart.

Had I given in to my desires to share my anger and hurt with others as a way of dealing with my feelings

or getting back at him, I would have dishonored him as a man, a husband, a provider, and a friend. I

would have skewed the opinion that my friends or relatives have of him, and most likely, not remember to

go back and tell them that we made up, and how we fixed things.

I would forget about the situation, and move on with life, while leaving those I vented to with a negative

picture, and resentful feelings, about my man.

I think that it is the first inclination for most women, when we are hurt or disappointed in our husbands, to

call someone and vent; to tell someone about the negative thing that happened; to hurt them back; to

cause them harm and embarrassment; to dishonor them; to have someone validate our feelings and be on

our side; and to have someone help mend our heartbreak, by joining in on the husband bashing party that

we invited them to.

But in Proverbs 31:11-12, we read "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.


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She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

This verse is such a stark reminder of how important it is that we not only build up our husbands for their

good traits, but remember to protect and honor them, even when their bad traits come blaring out.

I believe that we can view this verse as Gods promise that a wife's efforts of forgiveness and self restraint

will not go unrewarded, because a husband who has a wife who honors him, will eventually have fullconfidence in her love, and respect her as a person above any other he knows, because he cannot help but

recognize that she does not bring him harm with her words.

Most women look to the Proverbs 31 woman as a role model they could never live up to, myself included.

She represents the type of woman that we all want to be, but fall short of being every day, making that

type of virtuousness seem like an impossibility in our own lives.

But one of the things that the Bible states is an important trait of a virtuous wife, is to have a husband that

is respected.

Proverbs 31:23 says he is "known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land". Anyone, man

or woman, has to earn respect from peers, but a woman can provide that respect through her commitmentto pray for her husband and honor him in front of other people, and especially in front of their children.

I think the most applicable verse for this topic is Ephesians 4:29, which says "Do not let anyunwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according totheir needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (NIV)

This could be so easy for some of you, but the hardest thing in the world for others. Our ability to honor

our husbands may hinge on the relationships we had with our own fathers, how much damage has

occurred in the marriage, and many other extinuating circumstances. But regardless of how hard it may

be, and how much prayer it make take, I do believe that God calls a wife to honor and respect her

husband, and that when he feels honored, he will begin to act honorably.

Our challenge today is two fold:

1. Each time the opportunity arises to say something negative about your husband to someone else, pause,

pray, and ask God to help you say something positive, or nothing at all. Ask him for strength to refrain

from venting your anger, if that is what you normally do. Try to break the habit of dishonoring your

husband to others, so that he will be well respected at the gate.

2. Each time the opportunity arises to criticize your husband to his face, ask God to help you think of

something positive instead, or, to simply bite your tongue. Even if he deserves the criticism or a sarcastic

response, it really only causes hurt and conflict to say it aloud. Sometimes, silence can be golden.

We cannot control our husbands reputation, his free will, or his decisions, but we can control our owntongues and thoughts. We can control the things that leave our mouths and whether or not we are

honoring him with our words, in his presence, and when he is not around to defend himself.

Protecting our husband's reputations is one of the most valuable blessings that we can give to them. And

consider this - God will give a man grace and forgiveness if he messes up, but the people whom we have

spread negativity to about our husband, may not be so gracious and forgiving, and unlike God, they will

never forget.


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A wife has the power to help other people respect her husband, by the respect she gives him herself.

Today is a great day for spreading some honor.

DAY SEVEN

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 6: PLAY

I bet you are thinking that todays challenge looks pretty easy, huh? Well dont jump to conclusions,

because, in all seriousness, finding time to play can be hard.

After all, life is busy; life is chaotic; and life is stressful.... and as a result, couples dont put their

relationships at the top of their priority lists because everything else that screams for their attention seems

more important or urgent. But eventually that lack of closeness and time together, results in awkwardness,

tension, distance, and waning feelings of love. Over time, the lack of time for each other, takes its toll on

the marriage.

All work and no play can make a marriage feel like a job instead of a joy.

So many of us get caught up doing life, that we forget to stay caught up in our marriage, in fact, a lack of

spending time together is probably a huge factor that leads to the astronomical divorce rate that exists

today. Even for couples who deeply love each other, if there is a lack of focus on togetherness, the

friendship part of the relationship may begin to fade. If it fades long enough, it might disappear

altogether.

I began thinking of some close friends I had from high school, college, former jobs and years past.

Friends that I loved and adored and had everything in common with. Friends who had been through thick

and thin with me. Friends who were precious and important. But due to living in different cities or states,changing jobs, having kids, and living increasingly busy lives, we grew apart. The phone calls became

less and less. The emails got shorter, until they stopped altogether. And eventually, communication

ended. Relationship over.

There were no problems in these friendships, I treasured each person and was thankful for their presence

in my life. But the lack of focus on both ends, and the pull to more important things in life, resulted in

some wonderful friendships simply fading away.

In my opinion, "play" is not something to take for granted at all, especially in marriage.

I tend to think that women care more about spending time together than men, or at least that is my

unofficial opinion. It just seems that women, with the nurturing spirits God placed in us, do seem to be

more inclined to think about quality time with the ones we love, than men do. However, regardless of

who thinks it is more important, or whose fault it is that we may have not been making each other a

priority, it is never too late to push time together back up to the top of our priority lists.

If you were to ask my husband to name one thing that I consistently "whine" about, it would be that we

dont seem to have any alone time together; or comments such as " I have hardly seen you all week",followed by sniff, sniff, and head hung low.

Michael is a wonderful man who is very involved in my life and our kids lives. He does so much for me

and for our family - but, as a result of work, and having three social, busy, and very active children - we


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are always busy, which makes time alone as a couple a rare thing around here.....and for a girl whose love

language is time, I cant help myself but to whimper and whine a little when I am feeling neglected and in

need of some of attention!

I just believe that time is the most priceless commodity that we have, and once it is spent, we can neverget it back. How we spend that commodity, can impact our lives, and our marriage, in big and life

changing ways.

Your challenge for today is to think of some ways that you and your husband can find some dedicated

alone time to spend together. Make a list of things you used to do together, and check out opportunities to

do some of those again.

If your husband has been unreceptive to your attempts for 'date-nights' or suggested activities or romantic

getaways, my suggestion is to pray for God to soften his heart, and for God to help your husband see how

important his time and attention is to you. Just as we take respect for our husbands for granted sometimes,

husbands take for granted that we need to feel their physical touch, and spend time with them, so praying

for our husbands hearts about this subject is always worthwhile.

DAY EIGHT:

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 7: PRACTICE

If there is anyone who despises having to practice at something, it is my thirteen year old daughter,Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn is talented at many things, but the things that she has to really work at, or new things she is trying

to learn how to do, become huge sources of frustration for her. Then her outbursts of tears and frustrationnormally prompt yet another discussion about how 'practice makes perfect', 'you cant give up when it

seems hard', and that 'Rome was not built in a day'. I call them life lessons, she calls them lectures, but

lets not go there.

Anyway, Kaitlyns favorite love of life is cheerleading. That is her sport of choice (and dont even try to

argue that cheerleading is not a sport, because you might get hurt.) Recently, she has taken up tumbling

again, trying to master all of the normal cheerleading tumbling moves. But even though she loves to

envision the days when she will go flipping through the air with the greatest of ease, her heart just does

not want to have to work at it! She wants the results, but not the hard work and potential frustration that it

takes to get there.

But the biggest hurdle is, that as her frustration builds, her hope dissipates; she gets discouraged and

down on herself when she cant meet her goal as quickly as she wants to, and feels like she wants to quit.

We could just mark that up to her being a teenager and at an insecure stage in life... but arent we all likethat in some ways? I can only speak for myself of course, but I can get easily discouraged when I keep

working at something, or praying about something, or longing for something to happen - only to continue

to see things staying the same.

Over this past week, our Marriage Challenge has been focused on challenging us to work at our

marriages, in the hopes that through the power of God, and trust in Him, that He can guide our hearts, and

our husbands hearts, into a place of renewal, rekindled love, and recommitment.


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We have talked about praying for our husbands, promoting them with encouraging words, seeing them

through Gods eyes, providing for their needs, protecting their reputations, and spending time with them.

These are all such important things to do, but lets face it - they are time consuming, taking greatcommitment, and requiring us to put all our faith in God that He will reward our efforts to be a Godly

wife.

When I pray about a problem in my marriage, or a situation that is concerning me, I want God to answer

it - overnight. Immediately. In my timeline. Dont you?! Who doesnt?! Patience is no longer a virture, its a

rarity. Our culture today has programmed us all for immediate gratification, and that holds true in our

marriages too. We want things to be perfect, and we want it now!

How easy it is to give up on our marriage, or give up hope that God change our husbands heart, mend

addictions, create intimacy, restore friendship, and heal a relationship, because we get so frustrated when

things are not happening as quickly as we would like.

It takes practice to keep going when the going gets tough, and it takes practice to take Gods Word to heart

when He promises to hear our prayers and act on them, according to His will.

Philippians 4:9 says "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in meput it intopractice. And the God of peace will be with you". The better we understand God's truth and promises, the

more we can apply these principles to our lives. The more we practice them and apply to our lives, thebetter we will become at living a life, and having a marriage, that pleases God.

Last week at tumbling practice, Kaitlyn met one of her goals. She learned she could do something, that

she had not been able to do before, and she was excited about her accomplishment! It was one little baby

step towards the goal that she is trying to reach, and it was as if a light bulb went off in her head, and she

suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe, there is something to be said for practicing after all.

Your challenge today is to practice the challenges from the past week, and have a wonderful day in theLord

DAY NINE

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 8: PURSUE

If you are visiting my blog today as a result of linking over from my devotion on Proverbs 31 andCrosswalk, then welcome!

Today we are right in the middle of a fourteen day Marriage Challenge on my blog, which hundreds of

women from across the country have been participating in to strengthen and enhance their marriages over

the past seven days.

If you have not been participating, it is not too late to join in! I would love to have you hop on board with

this challenge - just review the posts from last week, and then come back tomorrow!

Todays Proverbs 31 devotion tells about a unique situation where Jesus made His presence physically

known to me on a day when I was extremely about my dads health situation.

In the devotion, I explain how Jesus appeared as a man in the fog, and you can read the full story here if

you have not read it.
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On that particular foggy morning, when I felt as if I had looked into the eyes of my King, I remember

feeling nearly overwhelmed at the thought of actually being in the Lords presence. I also remember the

feeling of peace that came over me of which I could hardly comprehend in the face of fear of the

unknown.

As my dad was wheeled out of the room for surgery later that morning, tears filled my eyes and I felt thatlump of fear creeping into my throat, but then I felt God speak to my spirit, and say "it will be okay, trust

Me".

The surgery went well, and the biopsy showed that all the cancerous cells were contained in the tumor,

thus negating the need for any further treatments. I believe, that God healed Him.

Before that morning when Jesus reassured me He was with me, I had been so burdened with worry. You

see, I was not only worried about my dads health condition, but also fretting over the fact that he is the

primary caregiver for my step-mom (his wife of 16 years), who has been fighting terminal lung cancer for

the past two years.

I simply could not fathom that God would allow my dad to get cancer, when he had devoted every ounceof his energies for countless months to caring for his wife and her cancer. As a result, I had thrown myself

into a tizzy worrying about the logistics of how we could possibly help care for two people who had

cancer, especially since they live three hours away.

But during the weeks prior to my dads surgery, I had been actively pursuing God. I had been pursuing His

presence, and His guidance. I had been pursuing a stronger relationship, a stronger prayer life, and a

stronger awareness that He was with me, even when I could not see Him or feel Him. I had already felt

God moving in my heart, and this situation just affirmed that God had drawn closer to me, because I had

drawn closer to Him.

All of those worries about my dad had not prompted my God pursuit, but simply increased it, as I was

forced to spend more time on my knees interceding for my daddy. I pursued, God heard, and Godanswered.

So, this is a great example of how God is still at work and how he hears our prayers, but how does it

relate to todays marriage challenge?

The answer lies in the word "pursue", because if we pursue God, we find Him - in everything.

I believe that our willingness to desperately pursue God and His intervention in our problems, whether it

be a marriage problem or the health of a loved one, prepares our hearts to depend on God, trust Him, and

give Him the credit for anything that happens.

The pursuit of Christ is what gives us the strength to keep striving for something that seems impossible toreach from a human mind perspective.

The pursuit of Christ is what gives us peace in our hearts, when there seems to be no peace in our home.

The pursuit of Christ is what helps us to keep believing that God can work miracles in us, our husbands,

and our marriages even when it seems like the problems are too big, the hurts are too deep, and the

challenges are too great.


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One day I was at the end of my rope, when some seriously harsh words were yelled right in my face, and

I just broke down into tears . for three hours! Obviously that was not a day when I woke up and put on

my girl big panties, but even a big girl can get beaten down after a while.

The more it appeared that the situation would not improve, and the worse things got, the angrier I began

to get. That anger and resentment and frustration took root in my heart, and with each passing day, myoutlook and my spirit waned.

Then one day as I was in prayer, complaining and whining to God, yet again, about this trying situation,

my heart became aware that God was speaking, saying, Tracie, I have called you to forgive; theunforgiveness and bitterness you are holding in your heart, even though you were treated wrongly, is

robbing you of the joy that is available through me. Lay it down, forget about it, just love me and I willtake care of the rest.

Then my mind quickly wandered to the verses Roman 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11, as God prompted me to

remember that He had a purpose for my situation, even though I could not see it, did not understand it,

and certainly did not like going through it; and secondly, that He also had plans for me that were good, in

fact, better than good.

The problem was that while I was drowning in my hurt and self pity and anger and frustration, I lost sight

of both of these promises. It wasnt until I laid the problem at His feet and washed my hands, and my

heart, of unforgiveness, that I began to make strides toward healing and forgiveness.

Looking back, I am surprised at myself for not seeing what that resentment and unforgiveness was doing

to my heart. I now realize that I was not willing to pardon the sins of others, which prevented me from

seeing God working in the situation, or teaching me a valuable lesson.

It was then that I realized I had allowed this situation to drain the joy right out of me. I got on my knees in

that very moment, and chose to forgive. I am not exaggerating when I say, that immediately, it was as if

the weight was lifted, and the chains that Satan had wrapped around my heart, fell to the floor.

You see, I had to pardon the sins of others, so that I could focus on the One who pardoned my own.

Eventually, the situation improved. My heart healed, and my joy returned. Forgiveness, and obedience,

had set me free, literally.

This experience taught me a great lesson about forgiveness. I cannot begin to tell you how hard it was to

forgive that person and a few others who were involved, not just with my mouth, but with my heart. It

was only through God that I was able to do that, because nothing in my soul wanted to.

Micah 7:18 says Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnantof his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.

The meaning of that verse is simply this: God is God, and we are not.

We are not capable of forgiving, without His power dwelling within us. We cannot show mercy, without

His compassion in our hearts. And we can never have the desire to forgive, without His help and

intervention in our hearts.

It is hard to offer forgiveness to anyone who hurts us, but it seems especially hard to forgive a husband.

Why? Because we love them. We married them. We committed to them. We may have bore their
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children. We had dreams that included them. We honored them. We trusted them.

So when a husband hurts our feelings or betrays our trust, it cuts deeper than any other - but through

forgiveness, the blow does not have to be fatal.

Understanding how hard it is to forgive, but also how necessary it is in order to have a strong marriage

relationship, is all the more reason to desperately pursue Christ, as I mentioned yesterday. That pursuitsequips up to do things that we are not humanly capable of.

Forgiveness is not for wimps. It takes great strength.... strength that we cannot muster up on own, but

strength that is there when we hold up our hands to the One with the strength, and simply ask for it.

God did use that difficult situation to His glory (as always!), and through it He changed my heart. He

strengthened my ability to forgive. He helped me to see the toll that unforgiveness can take on our spirits,

and our relationships with others and with Christ, not just with the one who hurt us.

He prepared my heart and spirit to be able to forgive my husband when needed, and to recognize the

importance that forgiveness would hold for our future as a couple.

Your challenge today is to think of the things that your husband has done that may have hurt you, and

then ask yourself if you have truly forgiven him.

If God impresses upon your heart that you are still holding on to unforgiveness, then bow at the feet ofyour King, and pray with all your heart. Ask God for the strength to forgive him, and then, do it. Not

because he deserves it, or even because God tells us to do it, but because of the deadly toll that it will

have on our own hearts, and your marriages, in the long run.

Maybe your husband has deeply wounded your heart. Maybe he has betrayed you. Maybe he has an

addiction that seems hopeless to overcome. Maybe you just need to forgive your husband for little things,

or recent words spoken in anger. But regardless of whether the thorn is big or small, forgiveness is the

first step towards reconciliation, restoration, and rekindled love.

Regardless of how big or small the problem is, our God is bigger. Our God is capable. Our God is more

powerful than any strongholds. And ftrue orgiveness is only possible, through Him.

I believe that forgiveness brings amazing healing, but not always overnight. It may take days, weeks,

even months, of seeking Gods strength to forgive, but eventually, God will heal, hearts will mend, painful

memories will fade, and the door will be opened for Jesus to get to work.

When you surrender those big and small hurts to God, and allow Him to fill that gaping hole with love,

mercy, and compassion, you will take a huge leap towards rediscovering the joy and happiness that we alllong for in life, and in marriage.

DAY ELEVEN

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 10: PEACE

Peace. It is something we all want, but is often very hard to come by.

We want peace in the mornings, when the house is crazy because none of the kids are getting ready for

school on time.


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We want peace in the evenings, when sibling rivalry seems to be at its peak.

We want peace at work, when the deadlines and stress are running rampant.

We want peace in our finances, when the bills outweigh what is left in the account.

We want peace on the highway, when traffic is crazy and we are running late for an appointment.

We want peace in our hearts when the storms of life seem to be pouring down.

We want peace in our marriage, during times when disagreements and conflict seem to be at the core of

every interaction.

Peace.

Is it realistic to ever think we can really have it? Can we really have peace while living in a fallen world,

filled with sin, conflict, betrayal, temptations, chaos and busyness?

Can we really have peace in our marriages when the sanctity of wedding vows has become distorted and

devalued as a result of the self-centered, me-focused, culture that we live in?

I think the answer to that question depends on what kind of peace we are really looking for, and mostimportantly, where we are searching for it.

Just out of curiosity, I searched the word 'peace' under Google images. I found infinite pages of pictures

of peace - but not one picture of Jesus. There were lots of hippy-type peace signs, two fingers held up,

groups holding hands in a circle, people hugging, and even a picture of guns with an 'x' through them.

What I did not find, were pictures of Jesus, Bibles, bible verse references, crosses, heavenly clouds,

praying hands or even a beautiful sunset over the ocean. The closest thing I found to resembling peacefound through faith, were some pictures of doves, but even that can be interpreted as worldly without

accompanying bible references.

Strangely enough, all of the images that fell under the category of peace, were of worldly perceptions of

what peace is. A peace found in other people, symbols, and tangible things.

This spoke volumes to me about why so many people are stressed beyond belief, living in daily conflict in

their homes, struggling in their marriages, drowning in a life full of disappointment and unmet needs, and

unable to find any real peace.

The reason for this, is because people are looking for peace in people, places and things where it cannot

be found.

True peace cannot come from anything that we can touch or see. It cannot be portrayed through any silly,

creative symbols or made up depictions of what someone thought would signify peace.

Peace also cannot be found through simply having better marriages, better children, better jobs, better

finances, less problems, or better traffic. We think that if those things get better, that we will have peace,

but anything found outside of Christ, is nothing but temporary.


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There was a time recently when I was struggling to find peace about some things going on that felt like

they were choking the life right out of me. Problems that seemed way too big for me to handle, and

certainly beyond my ability to control. A time when feelings of despair and hopelessness had invaded my

heart, making me wonder if joy would ever return.

It was in the middle of that hard time that I wrote a Proverbs 31 devotion, which some of you may have

already read, that was called The Day I Sat In Gods Lap. I want to encourage you to link over and readthat right now, then come back and finish reading this post. (You may also want to read the

accompanyingblog post for that devotion.)

______________________________________________________

Now - for those of you who did link over and read those writings, you know where my heart was then,

and you know where my heart is now.

On that day, sitting in Gods lap, I discovered peace. Real peace. Not a fake symbol or an empty fictitious

picture of peace. Not temporary peace. Not a peace found through a hug or even a phone call from a

precious friend - but real peace - a peace that was found in the holy lap of my heavenly daddy.

In John 14:27, Jesus is trying to comfort His disciples, when he says, "Peace I leave with you; My peace Igive you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

(NIV)

There is a key word in that sentence that sticks out to me - and that is the word "my". Jesus said, I giveyou "my"peace. Not just peace, but His peace. Not human peace, but holy peace.

A peace that is completely His, and only His to give, because it was bought with His blood and purchased

by His sacrifice. It is His legacy to His people, and we are the recipients of that legacy.

This legacy of peace is a gift from Jesus that can be opened, unwrapped and enjoyed time and time again

- but if we do not ask, we will not receive. A gift that can help us see beyond the problems, and insteadsee the problem-solver, and trusts with our full heart and mind that nothing is impossible with Christ.

Your challenge today is this: if you feel like peace has been missing from your life, your heart, your

mind, and even your marriage - or if you have been desperately searching for peace and happiness in

places other than Gods Word - then take some time to sit in Gods lap today, like I explained that I did in

my devotion.

Trust me friend, I know, that there is great power in the lap of a Holy God.

Now for some of you, I realize that this whole 'lap-sitting' idea may sound a little too "religious", "out

there" or "over the top" - and I want to share with you that just a few years ago, I would have felt the

same way, because I was not comfortable with outward worship, and did not have the faith level to reallyunderstand how important fervent prayer was in my relationship with God. In fact, I could not even

comprehend that level of prayer and worship - but oh, how I wish I had known. How I wish I had let

down those barriers, and surrendered it all.

I cannot help but wonder about the blessings I missed out on, the heavenly intervention that I prevented

from happening, the problems that could have been avoided, and the peace that I could have embraced,

had I focused on my faith, stepped out of my comfort zone, and surrendered to worship above all else.
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I have come to realize over the past few years that when we toss out our personal inhibitions, and allow

God to take over from the inside out, we begin to see Gods power working through every aspect of our

lives, including our marriages.

If you are interested, you can copy and paste thetreasure verses from the treasure box that I provided in afollow up blog post to that devotion, then simply insert your name into the verses, print them out, and

spread them out all around you. If your heart is ready to experience God in that moment, you will.

If you have time to do that, then simply sit down with Gods Word. Get on your knees, literally. Pray. Ask

Him to guide your hands to verses that will speak to your heart, and guide your thoughts to passages that

will remind you of the peace that is available through Him. And God to help you release those feelings of

hurt, hopelessness, and confusion, and replace them with a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Peace has to be in your heart, before it can be in your marriage.

God can help you face and deal with the challenges in your marriage, and help to strengthen our

marriages every day. But just like any other blessing that we desire from our Lord, we have to ask to

receive.

Upon the asking, God begins the giving and we will find a freeing peace like we have never known

before - not because of an absence of problems, but because of the presence of a King.

DAY TWELVE

MARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 11: PARTNER

Partner: "a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor; sharer;associate; a person associated with another in a joint venture, usually sharing its risks and benefits; a

player on the same side or team as another."

Companion: "a person who is frequently in the company of another; a person employed to accompany,assist, or live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend; a mate or match for something."

Helper: "a person or thing that helps or gives assistance, support, etc.; aid, assistant; supporter, backer,

auxiliary, ally."

The day we profess our commitment to our husbands on our wedding day, is the day we become his

partner, helper, and companion in Gods eyes. The definitions above exemplify what God calls a wife to

be - but sometimes filling these shoes is much easier said, than done.

In Genesis 2:20b-22 says, "But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the

man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up theplace with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and hebrought her to the man."

God created Eve so that she could be Adams companion, helper and partner in life. But considering the

fact that we live in an entirely different world than Adam and Eve lived in, with an entirely different set

of issues and problems to face and overcome - and considering the womens liberation movement of

todays society - does God still call us to be our mans helper?
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In fact, is it even still relevant for us to consider ourselves a "helper" to our husbands, in the 21st century,

when women are considered equal to men?

You may not want to hear this answer - but absolutely! Gods Word Was, and Is, and Is to come.

If He proclaimed it then, it still matters now. His Word never changes in meaning, implications orapplications for our lives, regardless of how much time passes, or how much society would like us to

believe that His Word is irrelevant.

But lets make it crystal clear that being a mans helper does not mean being subservient, less than, or

controlled. It does not mean surrendering or accepting any type of abuse, or considering yourself inferior

to your husband as a child of God.

In my opinion, being a helper means giving your husband your very best and making him a priority in

every area of your life, so that your marriage can thrive.

Yesterday in my bible study reading, I was reading the passages in Leviticus about the many sacrifices

and holy practices that the Israelites were required to do in order to stay in Gods favor.

These Old Testament passages can be very hard to get through, due to all the information about bloody

sacrifices and exhausting details about everything.

I also think they are hard for us to understand today since we no longer have to engage in those practices

due to the sacrifice of Jesus.

But in Leviticus 23:9, the Lord said to Moses, "..... When you enter the land I am giving you and youharvest its first crops, bring the priest a bundle of grain from the first cutting of your grain harvest."

This particular verse stuck out in my mind when I was reading it, but it wasnt until after visiting my

friend Wendysblog, where she discusses her interpretation of the daily readings, that I understood why.Wendys discussion of the "first fruits" made it clear why God had highlighted this passage in my heart.

The reason that God asked for the "first" fruits of the harvest, is because He wants the best, not the

leftovers. We are called to put God first in all that we do, in our faith, our marriages, and our

commitments to our husbands.

Wendy encouraged us through her vlog to consider whether or not we bring the Lord our first fruits - our

very best. Unfortunately, I would have to honestly answer no to that question. There are days when I give

Him my very best and my full attention, but there are plenty of days when I do not do that.

Her second question posed for us to think about, was whether or not we give our first fruits to our family?

Once again, I would have to honestly answer no, not always.

I read a story in my friend Melanie Chitwoods book "What A Husband Needs From His Wife",that went

like this:

"What are we having for dinner?" When I said that we were having macaroni and cheese with hot dogs

(again!), I was sharply convicted of my wrong priorities. I had put someone else... ahead of my ownfamily. I had gone many extra miles to make the meal I was taking to someone I had never met, but I wasthrowing together something quick and easy for my own husband and children. In short, I was giving
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something to someone else that I had not first given to the people closest to me!"(this is a great book onimproving marriages - click on the book title above if you want to purchase it!)

I can only speak for myself, but I could certainly relate to this story. I have put others needs above those

of my own family at times. I have given my sweetest attitude to others outside of my family, whileexhibiting a lack of patience and tolerance to my own husband and family. I have been willing to go out

of my way to help someone else before, but then felt resentful when I had to go out of my way to help myhusband do something.

As a helper, companion and partner to our husbands, I think God calls us to give our first fruits to Him

first, but then also to give our first fruits to our husbands.

God calls us to put helping our husbands at the top of our priority lists; to be someone he can share life

with and enjoy the blessings that come from that togetherness; to be a helpful friend; to be their mate; to

be someone who gives assistance, support and acts as their ally.

I am the first to say that life, attitudes, hurts, resentment, frustrations, pulls for my attention, busyness and

so on - often prevent me from being the partner/helper/companion that God calls me to be for my

husband. To be the type of helper that helps him achieve his emotional, mental, physical and spiritualneeds.

But todays bible verse has helped me remember the importance of Gods command when he says that we

must put Him first, and then our husband second.

The challenge today is to consider whether or not you are you giving God your "first fruits", and

secondly, are you giving your husband your "first fruits". Are you giving God your very best, and are you

giving your husband your very best, despite emotions, feelings, circumstances and things that have

happened in the past?

Is there anything in your heart that is preventing you from being able to offer those first fruits? Have you

ever given any thought lately to the importance of being your husbands helper, companion and partner -the roles that only a wife can fill.

Sometimes it is hard to give selflessly, especially if that help/companionship/partnership is not being

given in return. But I do believe that if someone takes the first step, other steps will follow by both people

involved.

Pray about taking a first step today if needed, and ask God to help you remember to give Him, and your

husband, your very best.

DAY THIRTEENMARRIAGE CHALLENGE DAY 12: PLANT

My three children have been taught to love each other, however, I would be lying if I said they alwaystreated other with kindness.

On more than one occasion in the middle of a heated case of sibling rivalry, I have tried to help them

understand that their actions, and reactions, towards their brother or sister is what they are planting in


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their relationship. Kindness begets kindness, and hatefulness begets hatefulness, and so on.

I have also been known to remind them that "you reap what you sow", which usually results in some eye

rolling and under-breath sighs, but helps them remember that the seeds they plant in the hearts of each

other is what they can expect to get in return.

Funny how easy it is to teach our children these important life truths, but forget to apply those same truthsto our own life - especially with consideration of what we are planting in our marriage relationships.

"Reaping and sowing" is a pretty easy concept to understand really......so why we do find it so hard to

apply its importance in our marriages? Why do we forget to plant seeds that will build up the marriage,

but still expect good things to grow? Why do we plant weeds, and then be disappointed when we get

weeds?! God has given wives an important job of being a faithful gardener in our marriages.

An attentive and hopeful gardener (aka, wife) knows that what is planted in the marriage, will get

harvested down the road.

An attentive and hopeful gardener (aka, wife) knows that the decisions she makes about what to plant,

will affect the outcome of what grows in the field eventually.

An attentive and hopeful gardener (aka, wife) also knows that the planting does not guarantee the harvest,

because the seeds that were planted, need proper care and attention.

Genesis 8:22 says "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and

winter, day and night, will never cease."What this verse teaches us is that there is always a time forplanting, and a time for harvest, so it is never too late to start sowing good seed.

Galatians 6:7 and 9 say, "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.; Let us

not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."Thisverse explains how Sowing seed and taking proper care of those seeds, will always produce a harvest,

eventually. It is a fact.

The first question to honestly ask ourselves today is, what type of seeds are we sowing in our marriages?

The second question is, what seeds does God call us to sow in our marriages?

The third question is, are the seeds that we are sowing, and the seeds that God calls us to sow, the same?

Lets take a look today at those seeds God desires that we sow, that will result in us harvesting the gifts of

a healthy marriage that He wants each of us to have.

#1 Seeds of Love: Unfortunately in many marriages, a woman may feel as if she simply does not love her

husband anymore. Maybe she doesnt think he is the same man she married. Maybe he has hurt her andbetrayed her trust. Maybe he has not met her expectations. Maybe they have just spent so little time

together over the years, that they just dont know each other anymore.

In any case, it is never too late to sow love, and it is never beyond our capabilities to find that love to sow,

because Gods love comes from God, not from feelings.

God can pour those seeds of love into our hearts, to reinvest into our marriages, even we cannot we cant

find that love anywhere in our hearts - the love that 1 Corinthians 4 talks about, that is patient, kind and


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selfless.

But if we dont feel it, how we can give it? Upon reading 2 Corinthians 9:8-11, we discover how to

embrace this 'loving-him-when-we-really-dont-feel-like-it'concept:

"God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything,

more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it, He throws caution to the winds,giving to the needy in reckless abandon. His right-living, right-giving ways never run out, never wear out.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more thanextravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed

lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with usgreat praise to God." (The Message Bible)

The part I like best about that verse is where it says "...He gives you something you can then give away",which means if we ask God for seeds of love to sow, He will provide them.

For any of you who are finding it hard to sow love into your marriages, even if for very valid and justified

reasons, this is the perfect verse to tuck away in your heart, while asking God to give you the seeds to sowthat you cannot find within yourself.

For women who are still in love with their husbands, it might just be a matter of examining our actions to

see if we are in deed sowing the love that we feel, or do we allow daily pressures and busyness to prevent

us from outwardly showing, I mean sowing, those seeds of love.

#2 Seeds of Actions: Over the past 11 days, we have talked about many ways to sow seeds into our

marriages through encouraging words, protecting his reputation, praying for him, changing our

perspectives, spending time with him, etc. Each time we sow love through our actions and encouragingwords, we are planting seeds that will bear fruit in our marriages.

Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you. (NIV)

#3 Seeds of Blessings: If you are like me, I treasure even the tiniest gift or act of kindness from my

husband which he simply gives out of love, more than the biggest, most expensive gift given on a

birthday or holiday. That gift is a symbol of a heartfelt blessing, one given out of love, just because.

God gave the life of His son, just because. Not because we deserved it, or because we had a birthday, but

just because of His infinite love for us. In the same way, God calls us to bless others, especially our

husbands, just because, by lovingly planting seeds of blessing.

Proverbs 11:15 The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are

14 Days to a Happier Marriage

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