Role Of Parents By Tim LaVallee

“It won’t work without parents and with them, it sometimes works with great difficulty.” The commitment of parents is the first step in the long road to success of a youngster in ski racing. Without the financial and personal support of parents there would be no World Class ski racing and in fact, very little ski racing period. Parents are often the first ones to foster interest, teach their children to ski, and kindle their love for the sport. A problem often discussed in the dark corners of coaching circles is the excessive ambition of parents. A parents’ ambition is usually underlined by their desire to fulfill their own undone childhood ambitions. It would be pointless to write about this if the problem was not so widespread and if it did not point to a specific “value system” problem.

In an effort to support and encourage athletes to maximize their potential and abilities, the following is offered to provide a supportive environment by the parents. Coaches, parents, and athletes working cooperatively can provide the most conducive atmosphere for a successful and rewarding experience. Before the season Parent need to recognize that there are many reasons their child may want to be involved in sport. For some athletes, it’s as simple as pure love of the sport. For others, it may be a desire to achieve, improved self-esteem, a need to be challenged, the need to be part of a group, the need for status or recognition. Athletics may provide a sense of security, approval, or being liked by peers. Athletics may provide one of the best refuges for children to have these needs fulfilled. Parents should have discussions with their child and try to understand exactly what the motivating factors are. They should understand the goals that the child has set for themselves and how they will determine if the experience has been a successful one. Parents need to ask themselves what their goals are for the child from the experience and how they will decide if those experiences are meaningful. In an ideal world the goals and expectations of the parents run parallel to those of their child’s. If the parent's goals and expectations are something other than those of their sons/daughters, a conflict will more than likely arise. The child cannot sustain participating successful trying to meet his/her parent’s goals and expectations. They must be doing it for their own good reasons.

The Season Begins When the season begins parents are going to “loan” to the coach the greatest possession they have, their son or daughter.” They let go so the child enjoy and grow from the sports experience knowing full well there will be both successes and failures, joy and pain. From the early teen years through age 20 there is a strong desire to belong and the need to begin to separate from family. (Reynolds) As the season unfolds, most parents will have a need to talk to their child’s coach. There should be an open ongoing line of communications between parents and coaches. Parents should feel free to talk with the coach. However, it must be recognized there are time more appropriate for communicating than others. Establish a time to talk or meet privately with coaches. It is best not done impromptu or before, during, or after a race or training session. These are times when the coach is most directly involved with their athletes. Appropriate Topics: •Philosophy of the coach •Program philosophy •Expectations the coach has for your child as well as all skiers on the team •Locations and times of all training sessions and races •Related travel issues and expenses •Team requirements (fees, special equipment, uniforms, off-season

conditioning) •Procedure should your child be injured •Discipline policies and procedures should there be a problem •The coaches perceived athletic strengths and weaknesses of the child •Ways in which parents can help their child improve Inappropriate Topics: •Training groups assignments •Group strategies, individual racer management programs •Other student-athletes Communication Coaches Expect From Parents •Any and all concerns should be expressed directly to the coach •Notification of any schedule conflicts well in advance •Specific concerns in regard to a coach's philosophy and/or expectations What If A Meeting With The Coach Did Not Provide A Satisfactory Resolution •Together, determine the appropriate next step Athletics is one of the best places for young people to learn responsibility, independence, self-discipline, to take risks and fail. By “loaning” the athlete to the coach, the parents are telling the athlete that all successes as well as failures are theirs. The dilemma for most parents is that it is easy for them

when witnessing failure see adult "solutions" and it becomes all to painful for adults to let their children find their own solutions. Indicators that parents haven't “loaned” their child to the coach: •When a patent seems to be living vicariously through their child. •When a parent makes comments like: “We have the championships this

weekend.” •If a parent tends to try and share in the credit when the child has done

well. (“We did this or we did that”) •If a parent who is intervening to try to solve his child's athletically related

problems. •If a parent is trying to coach his/her child. Indicators that parents may be taking things too seriously: •He/she is overly anxious before the child's race. •If the parent has difficulty accepting or adjusting after a poor race. •If the parent is makes mental notes during a race or shots video so they

can give advice later. •If the parent becomes verbally critical. •When the athlete avoid their parents after race or is embarrassed about

heir parent's involvement. Role of the parent on race day: •To recognize that there are only four roles to be played on race day:

spectator, competitor, official, and coach. Athletes need only one instructional voice on race day. That voice should be the coach's.

•To encourage the athlete to do their best and have fun. •To be consistent with praise during a win or loss. •To recognize and respect the athlete’s need for "quiet time and focusing

moments." Before the race. During the lunch break. Immediately before and during the start of the race. Immediately after a run or a race.

•Parents need to allow athletes to focus on their skiing and goals on race day. While skiing is certainly a little different from basketball, hockey, etc., parents would never be welcomed on the bench or in the locker room pre game, at half time or following a game. Parents must learn to recognize and respect the needs for athletes to focus, stay relaxed, and build a network with their peers without parental interference whether on the hill or in the base lodge. Coaches should be permitted to carry out their responsibilities in working with the athletes without interference by parents or other persons at any time during a race.

After a race Most athletes desperately want their parents to give them time and space immediately following a run or the end of a race. This is often one of the most difficult things for parents to do especially if the athlete has had a poor race or on the other hand had a great success. A poor race is an emotionally stressful time for an athlete. They need a little time to collect themselves and grieve in there own space. Give the coach ample opportunity to counsel and console the athlete before intervening. In winning, it is the athlete’s time to celebrate. It is the athlete who has done it, not the parent, not the coach. In either situation, handled well, the athlete will seek out his or her parents on their own terms. When it comes to recalling their least-enjoyable memory, many athletes will name "after a race" and often specifically "after a race with their parents." This situation is often when the most confidence cutting, confrontation, and confusion occurs for the athlete. Unfortunately, some high school athletes do not even want to go home after a contest because they do not want to face the questioning or criticism. What they need most at these times is not another coach, but a parent. ("Just be my Mom or Dad.") One comment from a parent that can always be sincerely said and received by an athlete is "I loved watching you race today."

References: Stephanos, Charles, Olympic Gold Medal Winner Worthington Schools, Worthington, OH Mill Valley H.S., Shawnee, Kansas Brown, Bruce, "The Role of Parents in Athletics" Reynolds, Colleen, For A Child With Spirit,