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ConversationsConversationsConversationsConversations

8: Inter-Act, 138: Inter-Act, 13thth Edition Edition

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ConversationsConversations• Interactive, locally

managed, sequentially organized, and extemporaneous interchange of thoughts and feelings between two or more people

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Types of ConversationsTypes of Conversations

29 different distinct types of conversation common in friendships and romantic

relationships

Twenty-nine Types of Conversations.

Adapted from Goldsmith, D.J. & Baxter, L.A. (2006).

Constituting relationships in talk: A taxonomy of speech events in social

and personal relationships.

Human Communication Research, 23, 87-114.

Asking a favor: talk with the Asking a favor: talk with the specific purpose of getting specific purpose of getting

someone to do something for someone to do something for you.you.

Asking out: the kind of talk Asking out: the kind of talk one person uses when one person uses when

asking another out on a asking another out on a date. date.

Bedtime talk: the kind of Bedtime talk: the kind of routine talk you have right routine talk you have right

before you go to bed. before you go to bed.

Breaking bad news: a Breaking bad news: a conversation in which one conversation in which one

person reveals bad news to person reveals bad news to another. another.

Catching up: the kind of Catching up: the kind of conversation you have conversation you have

when you haven't talked when you haven't talked with someone recently, and with someone recently, and you talk about the events in you talk about the events in

your lives that occurred your lives that occurred since you last spoke. since you last spoke.

Class information talk: Class information talk: informal conversations in informal conversations in which you find out about which you find out about

class assignments, exams, or class assignments, exams, or course material. course material.

Complaining: expressing Complaining: expressing frustrations, gripes, or frustrations, gripes, or

complaints about some complaints about some common experience, common experience,

directing negative feelings directing negative feelings toward the topic but not the toward the topic but not the

other people in the other people in the conversation. conversation.

Conflict: conversations in Conflict: conversations in which the two people which the two people

disagree. disagree.

Current events talk: a Current events talk: a conversation whose topic is conversation whose topic is limited to news and current limited to news and current

events. events.

Decision-making Decision-making conversation: a conversation: a

conversation whose goal is conversation whose goal is making a decision about making a decision about

some task. some task.

Getting to know someone: Getting to know someone: the kind of small talk you the kind of small talk you

have when you want to be have when you want to be friendly and get acquainted friendly and get acquainted

with someone. with someone.

Giving and getting Giving and getting instructions: a conversation instructions: a conversation in which one person gives in which one person gives

another information or another information or directions about how to do directions about how to do

some task. some task.

Gossip: exchanging opinions Gossip: exchanging opinions or information about or information about

someone else who isn’t someone else who isn’t present.present.

Group discussion: group talk Group discussion: group talk to exchange information, to exchange information, persuade other people, or persuade other people, or

make decisions.make decisions.

Interrogation: a one-way Interrogation: a one-way kind of conversation in kind of conversation in which one person grills which one person grills another with questions.another with questions.

Joking around: a playful Joking around: a playful kind of talk to have fun or kind of talk to have fun or

release tension.release tension.

Lecture: a one-way kind of Lecture: a one-way kind of conversation in which one conversation in which one

person tells another how to person tells another how to act or what to do.act or what to do.

Love talk: talk that has little Love talk: talk that has little content but gives attention content but gives attention

and expresses love and and expresses love and affection.affection.

Making plans: talk to Making plans: talk to arrange a meeting or an arrange a meeting or an activity with someone. activity with someone.

Making up: a conversation Making up: a conversation in which one person or both in which one person or both

apologize for violating apologize for violating expectations. expectations.

Morning talk: the kind of Morning talk: the kind of routine talk you have when routine talk you have when

you first wake up in the you first wake up in the morning.morning.

Persuading conversation: Persuading conversation: conversation in which one conversation in which one

person aims to convince the person aims to convince the other to do something.other to do something.

Recapping the day's events: Recapping the day's events: discussing what's up and discussing what's up and what happened to each what happened to each person during the day. person during the day.

Relationship talk: talking Relationship talk: talking about the nature and state about the nature and state

of a relationship. of a relationship.

Reminiscing: talking with Reminiscing: talking with someone about shared someone about shared

events you experienced in events you experienced in the past. the past.

Serious conversation: a two-Serious conversation: a two-way in-depth discussion or way in-depth discussion or

exchange of feelings, exchange of feelings, opinions, or ideas about opinions, or ideas about

some personal and some personal and important topic. important topic.

Small talk: a kind of talk to Small talk: a kind of talk to pass time and avoid being pass time and avoid being

rude. rude.

Sports talk: the kind of talk Sports talk: the kind of talk that occurs while playing or that occurs while playing or watching a sporting event. watching a sporting event.

Talking about problems: a Talking about problems: a conversation in which one conversation in which one person talks about some person talks about some

problem he or she is having problem he or she is having and the other person tries and the other person tries

to help. to help.

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Types of ConversationsTypes of Conversations

29 different distinct types of conversation common in friendships and romantic

relationships

•Small talk:Small talk: exchanging messages about inconsequential (small) topics to meet social needs of participants with low risk

•Gossip:Gossip: exchanging messages about other people who are not present

Gossip!Gossip!

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The Structure of The Structure of ConversationsConversations

Beginning (opening)

Middle (body)

Ending (conclusion)

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Characteristics of Characteristics of ConversationsConversations

• Purpose:Purpose: what the conversation is intended to do• Sequence: Sequence:

– Turn-Taking:Turn-Taking: alternating between speaking and listening

– ScriptednessScriptedness:: using routine conversational phrases or preplanned conversations

• ToneTone: emotional, relational quality and degree of formality

• Participants: Participants: intended or unintended audience• Setting: Setting: physical and emotional environment

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Guidelines for Effective Guidelines for Effective ConversationalistsConversationalists

• Develop an other-centered focus.

• Engage in appropriate turn-taking.

• Maintain conversational coherence.

• Practice politeness and face-saving.

• Protect privacy.

• Engage in ethical dialogue.

Saving FaceSaving Face

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Saving Face (Culture)Saving Face (Culture)

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Practice PolitenessPractice Politeness

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Ethical DialogueEthical Dialogue• Authenticity:Authenticity: direct, honest, straightforward

information and feelings• Empathy: Empathy: understanding another’s point of view

• Confirmation:Confirmation: affirming others as unique individuals (not necessarily approving of views)

• Presentness:Presentness: taking time, avoiding distraction, being responsive, risking attachment

• Equality: Equality: treating others as peers, regardless of status

• Supportiveness:Supportiveness: encouraging participation by praising efforts

Ethical DialogueEthical Dialogue

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Never do the “Chat and Cut”

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Beginning a Beginning a ConversationConversation

Five ways to open a conversation:• Introduce yourself.• Refer to the physical context.• Ask a ritual question.• Refer to another person.• Use humor or a light-hearted remark.

Beginning a Beginning a ConversationConversation

44Big Bang Theory: Leonard meets Kurt, Penny’s ex at a Halloween costume party.

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Sustaining a Sustaining a ConversationConversation

• Use free information:Use free information: information volunteered during the conversation

• AskAsk questionsquestions– Closed-ended: “yes” or “no” answers– Open-ended: more elaboration, explanation

• Seek out topics of interest to the other Seek out topics of interest to the other personperson

• Self-disclose appropriatelySelf-disclose appropriately

• Actively listen Actively listen

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Closing a ConversationClosing a Conversation

• Notice and use leave-taking cues (nonverbal behaviors that indicate someone wants to end the conversation).

• Verbalize your desire to end the conversation.

• Ask to see the person again if appropriate.

• Close with a brief stock message.

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Cultural VariationsCultural VariationsLow-Context Cultures Include categorical

words such as certainly, absolutely

Relevant comments that are directly to the point

Speaking one’s mind Silence is

uncomfortable

High-Context Cultures Include qualifiers

such as maybe, perhaps

Indirect, ambiguous, and less relevant comments

Creating harmony Silence indicates

truthfulness, embarrassment, disagreement

Digital Conversation SkillsDigital Conversation Skills

• Awareness of audience

• Degree of conversational spontaneity

• Abruptness of disengagement

• Multiplicity of conversations

• Acceptance of interruptions

• Notions of privacy

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Poll: You are having a conversation with a fri...

Poll: A friend just drove off from a visit to ...

Poll: When I get a text message....

Poll: When I send a text message....

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Cultural VariationsCultural VariationsLow-Context Cultures Include categorical

words such as certainly, absolutely

Relevant comments that are directly to the point

Speaking one’s mind Silence is

uncomfortable

High-Context Cultures Include qualifiers

such as maybe, perhaps

Indirect, ambiguous, and less relevant comments

Creating harmony Silence indicates

truthfulness, embarrassment, disagreement