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12: Inter-Act, 1312: Inter-Act, 13thth Edition Edition

ConflictConflictConflictConflict

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Interpersonal ConflictInterpersonal Conflict

A disagreement between two interdependent people who perceive that they have incompatible goals

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Conflict is:Conflict is:

• Natural

• Neither good nor bad

• Inevitable

• Potentially constructive

• Culturally based

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Types of ConflictTypes of Conflict• Pseudo – conflict that is apparent, not real

• Fact – information one person presents is disputed by the other

• Value – deep-seated beliefs about what is good or bad, worthwhile or worthless, desirable or undesirable, moral or immoral

• Policy – disagreement over a plan, course of action, or behavior

• Ego – “winning” is the primary goal

• Meta – disagreements about how to disagree

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Types of ConflictTypes of Conflict

• Pseudo

• Fact

• Value

• Policy

• Ego

• Meta

Conflicts become

complicatedwhen theyescalate

to involvevalues, egos,

andcommunication

styles.

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Styles of Managing Styles of Managing ConflictConflict

• Withdrawing – physically or psychologically removing oneself from the conflict

• Accommodating – satisfying others’ needs while neglecting your own

• Forcing – attempting to satisfy your own needs with no concern for the other or harm done to the relationship

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Styles of Conflict Styles of Conflict Management Management (continued)(continued)

• Compromising – attempting to resolve

conflict by mutually agreeing to provide at

least some satisfaction for both parties

• Collaborating – trying to solve the problem

by arriving at a solution that meets the needs

and interests of both parties in the conflict

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Conflict StylesConflict Styles

High concern for self

Highconcernfor other

Accommodating Collaborating

Compromising

Withdrawing Forcing

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Approaches to ConflictApproaches to Conflict

Win/Lose One party gets satisfaction

Lose/Win The other party gets satisfaction

Lose/Lose Neither party gets satisfaction

Win/Win Both parties feel satisfied

Which approach to conflict Which approach to conflict management creates a management creates a

win/win situation?win/win situation?

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CollaborationCollaboration

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Collaborative Collaborative Problem-SolvingProblem-Solving

• Define the problem.

• Analyze the problem.

• Develop mutually acceptable criteria for judging solutions.

• Generate solution alternatives.

• Select the solution that best meets the criteria identified.

Face NegotiationFace Negotiation• Face negotiation theory: we prefer

conflict styles consistent with our cultural frame and the resulting face orientations

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Cultural Variations of FaceCultural Variations of Face

Western Hemisphere

• Individualistic and low context

• Self-face orientation: uphold and protect self-image in interactions with others

Eastern and Southern• Collectivist and high

context• Other-face orientation:

uphold and protect the self-images of partners even at the risk of our own face

• Mutual-face orientation: uphold and protect others’ self-images and our own

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Destructive Behaviors in Destructive Behaviors in ConflictsConflicts

• Serial arguing: arguing about the same issue• Counterblaming: moves focus away from self

by blaming the other person• Cross-complaining: trading unrelated

criticisms, leaving the initial issue unresolved• Demand-withdrawal: one partner demands

while the other withdraws• Mutual hostility: both partners trade

increasingly negative and/or hostile remarks

Break Patterns of Break Patterns of Destructive ConflictDestructive Conflict

• Avoid negative start-ups.

• Manage anger.

• De-escalate the conflict:

–Identify the trigger.

–Calm your partner and yourself.

–Take a break from the conversation.

–Inject humor (but not at your partner).

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Collaborative Conflict ConversationCollaborative Conflict Conversation

1. Mentally rehearse.2. Recognize and state ownership of the conflict.3. Describe the conflict in terms of behavior,

consequences, and feelings.4. Avoid blaming or ascribing motives.5. Keep it short.6. Be sure the other person understands your problem.7. Phrase your preferred solution in a way that focuses

on common ground.

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Responding to Conflict Responding to Conflict

1. Put your shields up. Listen impartially.

2. Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern.

3. Ask questions and paraphrase your understanding of the problem.

4. Seek common ground.

5. Ask the initiator to suggest alternative solutions.

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MediatorMediator

A neutral and impartial guide, structuring an interaction that

enables the conflicting parties to find a mutually acceptable solution

to their problems

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Mediating ConflictMediating Conflict

1. Make sure that the people having the conflict agree to work with you.

2. Establish ground rules.

3. Probe until you identify the real conflict.

4. Remain neutral.

5. Keep the discussion focused on the issues rather than on personalities.

6. Work to ensure equal talk time.

7. Establish an action plan and follow-up procedure.

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Recovering from ConflictRecovering from Conflict

• Forgiveness: communication process that allows you and your partner to overcome the damage done because of a transgression

7 Steps to Forgiveness7 Steps to Forgiveness1. Confession

2. Venting

3. Understanding

4. Apology

5. Forgive

6. Set conditions

7. Monitor

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The Dark Side of Digital The Dark Side of Digital CommunicationCommunication

• Compulsive or excessive Internet use

–Disable your smartphone’s ability to push e-mail messages to you.

–Leave your social media devices behind when you plan to study.

–Ask your friends to help you.

–Seek professional help if necessary.

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Inappropriate Self-Inappropriate Self-Disclosure OnlineDisclosure Online

• SIDE Model: Characteristics of social media, such as anonymity, influence online behavior.

• Sexting: sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between smartphones via text messaging

• Anonymous web-cam conferencing

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FlamingFlamingFlame wars erupt when friendly and productive digital discussions give way to insults and aggression.

Recommendations: •Respond privately.•Ignore the flame.•Ask an authority to intervene.

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CyberstalkingCyberstalking• Cyberstalking: repeatedly using social

media to stalk or harass others

• Cyberbullying: abusive attacks carried out through social media

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