Dear Recruits,The Vent is taking a new approach to Myspace. We don’t want a bunch of

random friends. We want revolutionaries, in fact we are recruiting an army of Small Town Revolutionaries. So if you are interested in being a part of the Vent Nation on Myspace, be prepared to show what you are doing to make a difference in Corpus Christi.

There is room here for almost everybody. Perhaps you are creating stimu-lating art or music or films. You may have an organization devoted to informing the community about diabetes, it doesn’t really matter. Whatever it is The Vent is com-mitted to helping you in Corpus Christi’s advancement.

The Vent is working on this publication, as well as The Vent TV. These are two mediums we hope to use to increase the probability of Corpus Christi’s cultural expansion. The Vent’s main role will be focused on PRIINT TELEVISION FILM ART & MUSIC

We understand that not everybody has the time to do something grand, and those of you who keep up with The Vent TV or The Vent Daily and support the move-ment as a whole, are welcome to befriend us on Myspace or call and show your sup-port (361-549-6213), but we want to be in contact with all of our friends and know that we are all doing our part to contribute to growing this “Small Town City”. Several people/organizations have tried doing this and there are those who are trudging along even now. On the other hand there are those who contribute to the old way of thinking which this town so easily embraces. Soon it will be time to take sides Corpus Christi. Soon it will be time to get off you’re a$$es and do something or in some cases get on your a$$ and email someone. There needs to be a core group of people who are ready and willing to begin the Small Town Revolution. ...and yes I know there are a lot of ads on this page, deal with it.

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Dear Ed,I must ask, why do you continue to poke fun at Eric von Wade? He’s not so bad once you get to know him. I mean, I don’t actu-ally know him, but I’ve been listening to his radio show for like forever and I feel like I do. Eric has a bunch of loveable qualities, so what if he’s out of touch with his own generation, he’s an old soul. Besides, not everybody can be a wanna-be hipster like you Ed. You should try listening to his show sometime, you might even learn something. Like, did you know that anyone who even

looks at the FEMA website is an a**hole. Did you know that hunters are the hero’s of our generation… It’s true. If hunters didn’t thin out evil wildlife killing machines like deer and rabbits, we would all most defiantly die by their hooves. Also, I never knew that Wilt Chamberlain may have been a rapist, but thanks to Eric’s informative show I am no longer an ignorant. Anyway, my point is that you should leave the guy alone, cause one day I might see you on the street and go von wade on you’re ass.Watch Your Back, John von Dong

x Letter toThe Ed xA Letter From The Ed.Small Town revolution. Send letters and naked pics to: ventnation@yahoo.com

With all the controversysurrounding certain school clo-sures, many African Americanshave joined together and voicedtheir opinions against what they be-lieve to be one of the most blatantdisplays of post civil-rights racismto take place in our city. While talksof protests have surfaced, both theschool board and parents of the af-fected school closures would like toavoid them if possible. One man,who believes protests can be avoid-ed, is willing to take on the burdenof finding a solution that would benefit the entire community. CorneliusAlexander, social-ite and local landowner, believesthat he can solve the school closureproblems. “I propose that we build

a brand new campus not only forthe black students who have beencast out, but for every negro childin the district,” Alexander con-tinued, “It would be a marvelous,plantation-sized campus, able tosupport 9th–12th grade, and wouldinclude courses ranging from Cot-ton Picking Efficiency to advanced courses for the aspiring midwife. It

will be a place where students canlearn valuable life skills and hope-fully increase their self-worth.”Alexander also boasts, departmentwill be top of the line, with enoughmonkey bars to accommodate ev-ery student.”So far, there has beenan abundance of interest from localteachers seeking employment andAlexander himself will serve as theschool’s Head Master.Construction plans for the site arealready underway and thanks to therecent grant Alexander received,from his uncle Thomas Alexander,he plans to fund the entire projectpersonally. Head Master Alexanderadds, “Because he is the one whomade all this possible, the highschool will be named for my uncle.”

Though the majority of the campuswill not be completed until sum-mer of 2006, with any luck “UncleTom’s Elementary” should beginenrollment in time for the fall.

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The Vent Daily’s Monthly NewsChange in Noise Ordinance Falls on Deaf Ears

For yeas now ConcreteStreet has been herald as a safeplace for young people to gatherand take in the fresh air as well as abit of old Satan’s rock and roll mu-sic. However, the days of extremedecibel devil worship may sooncome to a quiet end. The upstand-ing, God-fearing citizens of Cor-pus Christi have teamed up with anorganization known as The ForceWhisperers, to make sure that allpraise directed toward Lucifer willtake place indoors, in one’s homewhere it belongs and at a volume‘free of any loud, irritating, vexingor disturbing sound which causesinjury, discomfort, or distress of aperson of reasonable nervous sensi-bilities’. Thanks to The Force Whis-perers, it may soon be illegal to evenspeak at any level above a whisper.The FW’s have begun a campaignthroughout Corpus Christi, qui-

etly rallying residents to speak outagainst obnoxious emo bands andmobile gangster rap. “If you wanna use your carto blast your loud ‘Old Fifty CentDog Bastard’ rap music,” says JohnTippen, Chairman Force Whisperer,“why don’t you do it in your garagewith the door closed and the enginerunning”. So far The FW movementhas gained incredible support fromthe Blucher Street Prostitution/Bedand Breakfast Commission.The owner of one B&B in thatarea says, “This block is known fortwo things, it’s beautiful GalleriedVictorian homes and it’s modernpost-abortive prostitutes, and ifwhoring your pink parts for yourdaily rock is the oldest profession,then the second oldest profession isrenting rooms to said whores. If themusic from The Old Concrete StreetAmphitheater is going to penetrate

the walls of our establishment anddisturb the peaceful trick-turningatmosphere, then the ho’s are justgoing to get penetrated in the parkacross the street.”The Whisper movement has alsoreceived numerous endorsementsfrom the local Ninja population;however, nonecould be foundfor comment. Those onthe other sideof the argu-ment includethe Humani-tarians forU n h e a r i n gHumans (orHUH?) an or-ganization forthe advance-ment of thedeaf and hardof hearing.

When asked to comment on therecent noise ordinance and com-plaints regarding local musicvenues, one deaf Corpus Christiresident summed it all up with, “Ah non’t hamma polem wi onkerstreet”, he continued, “Ah thu ah cisbean ufair.”

After years of harvesting cotton, Mr. Brown looks forward to harvesting young minds this fall.

New School Goes Old School From the Vent Archives: January 2006

Alexander pledges to ‘crack the whip’ on student apathy.

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THE VENT HISTORY X The Vent was born on a cold No-vember morning, to a crack-whore namedJosie. Not so long ago the Vent came to atime in her life when hair started to grow innew places, her breasts became more no-ticeable and her waistline transformed froman uninviting plain to a vast playground ofcurves, and every twenty eight days… wellyou get the picture. That time has come andgone for the Vent and the woman left afterbeing drained by an unappreciative townis but a hollow shell of the innocent girl weonce knew. There isno doubt thatshe regrets herexploits andif she had thestrength left inher tattered,o v e r s e x e dbody, shewould turn herhead towardthe heavensand beg for an-other chance.A chance toregain her mis-spent youth; achance to loveinstead of hate.A chance to es-cape the fearshe feels with every stranger’s cold touch.Her self-worth is sustained only by what isleft of her passing beauty, but… once upona time…

THE WAKE UP CALL Two dirt-poor brothers, we’ll callthem Mike and Billy Vent, ended up in a sh*ttown, we’ll call it Kingsville Texas. Imaginea place one-tenth the size of Corpus. Then,take away the beach, the quasi-malls, andadd in an overwhelming population of metalheads, hicks and crooked law enforcement,and you will have some tiny sense of thehell that is Kingsville.

After years ofbeing chased off byTAMUK campuspolice for skate-boarding on theonly fair supplyof concrete andpainted curbsin town, thesetwo brothers wouldeventually call Texas A&MUniversity Kingsville their own high-er learning institute (and combined they

would forge through enoughcollege hours to qualify for oneshiny college degree). It wasthere The Vent “zine” or minimagazine was conceived. Amodest epistle, birthed as amedium for those rejected bythe campus literary magazine.A home for unplaced proseand forsaken free verse, but itwas so much more thanthat. TheVent wasthe mani-festation ofa dream, theanswer to ariddle wrappedin an enigmacovered in se-cret sauce.

THE DROP IN As the Vent began to gar-ner praise throughout TAMUK,along came “Mr. T” a key playerin the Vent magazines success. T.proved to be very informed as wellas opinionated in all things pop-culture and helped very much to le-gitimize the zine. Writing pieces asThe Vent’s resident elitist he won thehearts of many short-haired girls withthick-framed glasses all over South Texas.T. would soon however part ways with theVent after the Vent Brothers became hungry

forcontro-versy.

ENEMIESThe Vent reigned on the TAMUK campusfor a few years. We made many peoplelaugh, some people cry. Some memorableconfron- tations include “the

Time Barry BarryhillThreatened To KickOur A$$ After TheVent Alleged ThatHe Took It In TheRear”, as well asthe “VerderberIncident” whichtook placewhen MikeV e r d e r b e rwould not lethis girlfriendtake a copyof the Vent.And howc o u l danybodyf o r g e tt h e

‘Battle with theBand’ of ’03, in which the

TAMUK marching band confronted thetwo Vent brothers in a parking lot, in trueWest Side Story fashion after the Vent pub-lished a not-so-flattering review.

Cont. Page 8

GONE QUIETAs the years past The Vent lost mo-

mentum and the Vent Brothers rivaled as siblings do. Mike would go on to Austin, LA and Nashville, while Billy was either impris-oned or got married. It would seem that the Cancer that is the town of Kingsville had metastasized all through the Vent’s young defenseless body.

WELCOME TO WHEREVER YOU AREIt sometimes takes a near death ex-

perience to bring about dramatic change, and so Billy Vent took his dream and trekked 40 miles north-eastish to the small-town-city of Corpus Christi. By coincidence, the Vent’s old friend T. made the move to CC right around the same time. It was at this point that Veronica, now known, as The Cor-pus Critic was loosely involved in planning some sort of publication with the two, that apparently never got off the ground.

SLOW NEWS DAYWith Mike AWOL, Billy and T. did their

best to expose Corpus Christi to a new form of written en-tertainment. T. being a d a m a n t l y opposed to the resurrec-tion of the Vent, due to past com-p l i ca t i ons , teamed up with Billy to start Cor-pus Christi Daily News: a monthly publication. CCDN was short lived, but the con-cept would go on to be-come the m a g a z i n e

you now hold. Also, somewhere around here there was a rouge Corpus Christi is-sue of The Vent released at TAMUCC that stirred some controversy due to a Reservoir Dogs quote containing the word faggot. Due to a lack of funds this venture too, was short lived.

FULL DISCLOSUREAfter several attempts to launch nu-

merous projects the two original Vent writ-ers decided to take a different approach. Billy had come across a publication called FYI managed by none other than Mrs. J.J. Gottsch. The two scheduled a meeting with the editor and before long they were the proud owners of a column entitled “In Other News”, usually one-quarter of the last page. A few months later Billy would request a full page, and be denied. The reluctance of the editor to see Billy’s vision for her magazine would eventually cause tension, and when his brilliant article on The Legend of Billie Jean for the November ’06 issue of FYI was sabotaged, he knew it was time to move on. T. however stayed with FYI continuing

to write the Secret Stash column on film and music, under the pseudonym L.E. Tust. When he did finally leave a few months later, oddly enough he was re-placed by the afore men-tioned Veronica a.k.a. The Corpus Critic.

HERE TODAYMotivated by an

overwhelming amount of frustrated writer’s angst, three months later Billy released The Vent Dai-ly: a monthly publica-tion (Comedy. Culture. Commentary.)which has since become the most entertaining monthly magazine in Corpus Christi. T. made a brief appear-

ance in one issue of The Vent Daily, only to burn a the final bridge connecting his elitist island to the moron mainland. For the most part Billy with the help of one or two writers keep the Vent alive and kicking. However, that is about to change.

TOMORROWIn a matter of days the prodigal brother will

return. A grand homecoming is about us, as The Vent Broth-

ers re-u n i t e to ini-tiate a S m a l l T o w n R e v o -l u t i o n . So, read The Vent Daily and watch The Vent TV, and be a part of the Revolution.

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THE VENT HISTORY X

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A s we’ve come to ex-p e c t f r o m t h e f i r s t Tues-d a y a f t e r

the end-of-summer holidays, the 11th of September was a red-letter day on the album release schedule. The sales battle between Kanye West and 50 Cent absorbed much of the hype, but well-regarded bands like Go! Team, Hot Hot Heat, Shout Out Louds, and many others also vied for the favor of record buyers. Although bigger block-busters dropped on the 11th, we feel comfortable saying that no album was more fiercely anticipated by their band’s fanbase than Autumn Of The Seraphs. Those who follow Pinback feel that the San Diego combo makes music unlike anybody else’s – music that speaks di-rectly to them.

A back catalog like Pinback’s does tend to raise expectations. Summer In Abaddon, the band’s harrowing 2004

release, was one of the best-loved and most respected albums of 2004. Critics raved about it too, praising the intensity of the performances and the quality of the compositions; “Pinback’s darkest hours”, explained Stephen Deusner of Pitchfork, “have inspired their finest mo-ment”. A B-sides collection released last year was no stopgap: Nautical Antiques contained some of the group’s most startling and revelatory work.

Now comes Autumn Of The Seraphs, and it’s already burning its way into the collective consciousness of the rock underground. “It’s a fully realized and reflective album”, crows Gwendolyn Elliott of Prefix, “polished with unassum-ing wisdom”.

“From Nothing To Nowhere”, the lead cut from, features everything that makes Pinback singular: provoca-tive lyrics, rich atmospherics, intricate and characteristic bass playing by Zach Smith, and a semi-sweet, semi-tough vocal from charismatic frontman Rob Crow. Like much of the album, it’s an unprecedented fusion of contemporary indie, prog, math-rock, Synchronicity-era Police, and digital folk. Mario Ruba-calba of Rocket From The Crypt keeps the beat behind the kit, and Smith and Crow fill out the sound with polytonal bass guitar and a hypnotic six-string. Autumn Of The Seraphs is out now on Touch and Go Records.

VHS Or Beta has b e e n s t r a d -dling the d i v i d e between t h e d a n c e -floor and the rock and roll stage for the better part of this decade. Over the course of three critically-acclaimed albums and several EPs, the Kentucky quintet has defied genre conventions and delivered infectious, novel, and thoroughly un-classifiable pop. Every groove they play is steeped in rock and roll swagger, and every rock track they cut is as propul-sive as the best disco records. Early in their run, the band was frequently com-pared to Daft Punk, but they’ve matured into a group committed to sophisticated and artful pop.Much credit for this successful fusion of arena rock, dance music, Europop, and techno must go to the group’s accom-plished rhythm section. Drummer Mark

Guidry and bassist Mark Palgy are elastic and ingenious, they’re masters of many styles, and they’re unafraid to counterpose traditions and take aes-thetic risks. As interpreters of frontman Craig Pfunder’s writing, they couldn’t be better: they put the hard edges on the slinky grooves of the debut Le Funk, and charged through the dizzy followup Night On Fire. The title track of the sophomore album appeared in films, videogames, and The OC, and got electrifying remixes from Cut Copy and Carlos D of Interpol. VHS Or Beta took to the road in support of Duran Du-ran, and closed 2005 as some of the nation’s best known dance-rock revival-ists.For Bring On The Comets, their latest effort, VHS Or Beta has chosen to em-phasize the “rock” elements of their mu-sical personality. That’s not to suggest that it doesn’t move: on the contrary, no matter how fiercely pianist Chea Beck-ley and guitarist Mike McGill play, these mixes still shake. “Can’t Believe A Sin-gle Word” is the anthemic centerpiece – a track studded with power chords and blessed with a gigantic chorus hook. Pfunder sounds just as tough as the six-strings do, and here his powerful voice carries a melody so catchy you’ll be singing it in the shower for weeks.

The

Ven

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ixPinbackAutumn Of The SeraphsTouch and Go Records

VHS or BetaBring On The Comets

Astralwerks

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My German grandmama taught me to cook. As she showed me how to slice the apples thin for apple kuken, or work the dough ever so gen-tly for her delectable cabbage strudel, she’d advise, “Die Liebe geht durch den Magen,” or “Love goes through the stomach.” Unfortunately, it also has a tendency to go through and right out the ass, but if you (like me) are in a hot and heavy relationship, and want to crank up the heat even more, there’s nothing like cooking for your mate. Here is an easy dinner that will leave him wanting to dig into you for des-sert.

Antipasti Sexy Figs and Melon with Prociutto Get about 6 ripe figs and slice them vertically, leaving the stems on. Slice some cantaloupe and arrange on a pret-ty plate. Place ripples of sinfully thin prociutto among the fruit. Don’t even think about using a fork, and hand feed your lover instead, encouraging him to lick your fingers.

The Main Dish Chicken with Rosemary and White Wine. You’ll need about a pound and a half of skinless chicken breasts (don’t worry; he’ll be nibbling on yours soon enough), 2 tablespoons extra-vir-gin olive oil (I remember when...), 2 sprigs fresh rosemary, 3 cloves garlic (smashed and peeled), 1 1/2 cups white wine (remember, if you wouldn’t drink it in a glass, you shouldn’t cook with it)Saute the chicken in the olive oil until brown on both sides, toss in the garlic & rosemary, pour in the wine and sim-mer until the chicken is tender.

I Like It On the Side Boil a pound of fettucini or lin-guine. While that’s going, put two tablespoons butter and 3/4 cup heavy cream in a saucepan. Heat this up un-til it looks like it’s about to bubble up, then remove it from the heat. Once the pasta is on the hard side of al dente, drain and dump into the cream. Put the heat on again, about medium, stir it up, add a pinch of nutmeg, salt and pepper, then toss in about 3/4 cup of freshly grated parmasan cheese.

Sweets for Your Sweet Finish the meal with some simple, but beautiful, fruit, sliced and glisten-ing as your nether regions are about now. Peaches and raspberries are love-ly, as are strawberries and blueberries. Again, feed each other, and soon you’ll be feasting on each other.

As my grandmother said, a full belly can make the heart feel full as well. The above recipes are easy, tasty, and you wearing just an apron while you’re preparing them is sure to lead to all sorts of delicious trouble. Plus, if his regular girlfriend or wife is one of those lazy bitches who never makes anything other than carne gui-sada, this will be a welcome change to the menu.

Melting His ButterAriesDuring your super nova days (8th to 11th) the alignment of Mars and Saturn stimu-late your need for creating harmony in the home. So while you shouldn’t bend to your wife’s demand that you kick your mom out of the house, you should cut down your nights out with Mommy to once a week.

TaurusThe sun squaring off with Venus around the 10th helps you finally get to the bottom of a problem at home. It’s true; your husband likes to run around in your Victoria’s Secret skivvies when you’re not at home.

GeminiThe 23rd to the 26th are your super nova days, when a testy conjunction between brash Mercury and trippy Uranus has you itching to tell the truth. Come clean, and tell your lover you’ve been feeling itchy. Then make a joint visit to your doctor.

CancerThe 26th brings a full moon and with it, a newfound boldness on your part. This is the night to show your lover your full moon and let him in the back door. Heaven knows he’s been knocking for a while.

LeoThe sun passing through emotionally charged Scorpio helps you make a decision to break a bad pattern in your life. You will join the Hair Club for Men, and break that pattern baldness that’s been making the la-dies avoid you like the plague.

VirgoMercury’s lovely trine with Mars around the 16th gives you the support you need in a trying time. It’s also a good time to invest in a good bra to lift those saggy tits of yours.

LibraA powerful conjunction between Venus and Saturn starting on the 13th provides for some real one-on-one time with the object of your affection. Or rather, one bent over a stool and one hitting it from behind.

ScorpioThe full moon in Taurus on the 26th guar-antees those around you will be open to whatever you propose. In fact, that blonde you scope out and take home will be wide open and fairly oblivious after the 4 cock-tails you pump into her.

SagittariusJupiter unites with dreamy Neptune at the end of the month, making you want to share all your dreams and fantasies with the one you love. Don’t; she doesn’t want to hear about all those disgusting things.

CapricornBold Mars and grounding Saturn team up on the 8th, helping you remain efficient at work and at home. But by the 11th, you’ll turn back into the same lazy pothead you’ve always been.

AquariusThe 25th and 26th are days heavily influ-enced by the full moon, prompting you to abandon all your complications where love is concerned. This is a time for love with no strings attached. But you will use some leather harnesses.

PiscesWise Pluto enters your house of personal hygiene and you will come to understand why your sign has the symbol of the fish. Don’t fret; an emergency trip to your gyno will clear up that infection lickety split.

So... What’s Your Sign?By Stella Starr By Serena Cho and Cleo Soliz