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THE EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON CHILDREN 1

The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

Janet Romero

Pacific Oaks College

Professor Jessica Schulte

October 6, 2014


Abstract

Domestic violence has been a problem in the lives of children. Children observing their

mother or father disputing can have a major impact on their life. According to Lynda Warren

Dodd (2009), “Domestic Violence is continued behavior ranging from verbal abuse, threats,

intimidation, manipulation, physical abuse, sexual assault, rape and even homicide. This violence

occurs regardless of social group, class, age, race, disability, sexually and lifestyle” (pg.1).

Children are growing and developing in their early years, and to be witnessing physical,

emotional, psychological abuse in their life; it can be lifelong damaging. I choose to research the

effects of Domestic Violence on children because I lived in a domestic violence environment. I

know firsthand how it feels to be hopeless and live each day in fear. I can still remember the first

time it happened, I was only two years old. I try to explain to myself, “How can I remember, if I

was just a toddler”? As I got older, I noticed that the abuse my mother and I encountered affected

me. There were times I hated boys at school for no apparent reason. I thought all boys where

cruel. I also lived in fear, that my mother would not live another beating. “Who was going to

take of me and my brothers”? That was the question I would ask myself every time my mother

and her husband would get into it. I would try to avoid staying home and enroll myself in

afterschool activities just so I would not be around my mom’s husband. My mom’s husband

would make me take off his shoes and clothes just to be abusive, controlling and offensive

towards me. I felt he hated me, just because I was not his daughter. He would make that very

clear to me in several occasions. I thought if I was not living with my mother, then she would not

get physically, verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused by her boyfriend. I lived half

my life blaming myself for my mother’s abuse. This all has been psychologically damaging for

me. I know now as an adult, that domestic violence can effect a child’s development and carry

on to adulthood. This research paper will be discussing the effects of domestic violence on young


children and its impact on development. This paper will go over how domestic violence impacts

a child’s emotional, behavioral, and psychological wellbeing.

Children who are exposed to listening to the abuse of their mother go through an

emotional roller coaster. Several emotions that children experience are fear, hopelessness, and

feeling unsafe. “The effect of seeing their mothers assaulted reinforced children’s feelings of

vulnerability in such damaging aggression” (Mc Gee, 2000). Children’s fear mostly arises from

being hit and the fear of their mothers being killed from the aggressor. According to Caroline

(2000), “other symptoms of fear that children displayed was nervous twitching, sleepwalking,

stuttering and becoming awkward when he or she was near the abuser”(pg. 42). It is clear that

with having and feeling fear so many other emotional factors get affected and a child can break

down. Children living in fear have a hard time forming trust bonds with friends, being able to

socialize, eating habits change, learning becomes difficult and causing sleeping disorders. In the

book “The Batterer as Parent” written by Bancroft and Silverman (2002), It states “Children

exposed to domestic violence spend less time hanging out with friends, are less likely to have a

best friend, and have low quality friendships than other children”(pg. 38). “They also tend to

show elevated behavior problems, anxiety, withdrawn, and learning difficulties” (pg. 39).

Children’s development of talents and interests get affected such as; athletics, scholastics or

artistic capabilities, their ability to escape self- blame, and strength to close relationships. The

research also talks about how children start to distance away from their mother emotionally,

especially in boys. The batterer disrespects their mother so often that children start to feel

superior to her and ashamed to be connected to her. “By the fear that if the batterer will retaliate

against them with verbal abuse or violence if he sees them associated with their mother” (pg.70).

In these situations children sometimes experience tremendous cognitive conflict from connecting


with the abuser, which they attempt to relieve by taking on the batterer’s distorted view of the

mother. Unfortunately, by children observing or hearing the verbal, and physical abuse the

mother encounters on a daily bases; children suffer traumatic bonding’s. According to Bancroft

and Silverman (2002), “Traumatic bonding leads a child to become increasingly focused on the

needs, wants, and emotional state of the abusive adult, which is the child’s best shot at

maintaining safety for themselves” (pg. 41). This causes the child to lose focus on developing his

or her abilities to engaging with the real world and forming extreme behavioral problems.

Children of battered women start to develop behavioral problems toward their mother.

This behavior can arise from years of observing their father or batterer. “Boys exposed to

domestic violence showed higher rates of aggression and bullying toward peers and both boys

and girls showed signs of learning to meet their needs by manipulating, pressuring, and coercing

others”, according to Bancroft and Silverman (2002). “In a study that was done twenty percent of

teenage boys joined their fathers in victimizing their mothers” (pg.71). This shows how the

teenage boys identified with the aggressor and became the aggressors. Teenage boys may turn

against their mother’s in an attempt to win the approval, love, and affection of the father as they

begin to identify with his power as the abuser. According to Bancroft and Silverman (2002),

“Teenage boys observe that there is no negative consequences for the abusive use of power and

control that they begin to model the aggressive behaviors in their own relationships” (pg. 72). “It

becomes evident that long term effects on children especially boys; means the beginning of

violence within their own dating relationships. Adolescent girls may start accepting threats and

violence from boyfriends”, according, to Dr. Wilson (2006). Many teenagers have lived in

violent homes for years in which they may try to run away and seek independence and release

from their violent environment. On the other hand, some teens act out their anger and frustration


in ways that end up in delinquent behavior. In the book “When Violence Begins in the Home”

(2006), “teens who have been exposed to domestic violence are more likely to attempt suicide,

abuse drugs, alcohol, engage in prostitution, and commit sexual assaults” (pg. 42). These

behaviors that children and teenagers demonstrate are the aftermath of domestic violence. It’s

devastating to find out the consequences that violence can bring into the development of the lives

of children and their adult life as well. The impact is so strong that in long term exposure to

violence or abuse they can suffer psychologically.

Children witness and experience dramatizing events in their family homes, which damage

their psychological well-being. The psychological effects of domestic violence according to

Wiehe (1998), “can be anxiety, depression, re-experiencing the traumatic event, sleeping

disorders, eating disorders, poor social skills, confusion, insecurity, isolation, suicidal thoughts,

low self-esteem and feeling hopeless” (pg. 95). These problems can continue for children as they

grow into adulthood and become worse. Adults that witness parents’ physical conflicts continued

to exhibit psychological distress and low levels of social adjustments. Children internalize all the

verbal abuse and violence that they can exhibit symptoms similar to those suffering from

Posttraumatic stress disorder. The American Psychiatric Association classified post-traumatic

stress as a type of anxiety disorder. “Posttraumatic stress disorder is the development of

characteristics symptoms following exposure to extreme trauma involving personal experience of

an actual threat, death, and serious injury to physical integrity. With the person responding in

intense fear, helplessness or horror”, according to Wiehe (1998). “The disorder may appear at

any age following exposure to psychologically traumatic event that is generally outside the

typical human experience” (pg.43). Another psychological effect that children can encounter is

depression. Children will isolate themselves and experience eating or sleeping disorders. They


feel close out to their world around them and no motivation to move forward in life. If this

persists to adulthood greater problems arise, for example; instability in their job, negative

relationships, crime, trauma symptoms, using drugs and alcohol as an escape goat to their

problems. Some children observe their father’s or mother’s drinking and drugs habits at a young

age, that when they grow up they tend to think consuming alcohol will solve their problems.

These bad habits can later turn into additions and cause severe depression. It is heart breaking to

know that children learn from observation and tend to carry those bad behaviors or addictive

habits to adulthood. Graham-Bermann and Edleson (2001) claims, “That all of these problems or

symptoms could be linked to the reported difficulties in social competence of children exposed to

violence” (pg. 37). The effects of domestic violence on children can impact psychologically their

quality of life in the long run. It is crucial children get the right guidance, counseling and therapy

to help them overcome this traumatic stage.

There is so many factors that influence the effects of children’s development due to

Domestic Violence. Their emotional, behavioral and psychological state of mind goes through a

terrible roller coaster that their development takes a toll. It is unfortunate, that children so young

have to experience such a terrifying experience that can tarnish their childhood. This is a time

when children need to have as many wonderful experiences and develop appropriately at each

stage. With so much research done and books written we can clearly see that domestic violence

has a great impact on a child’s emotional state, cognitive growth, physical wellbeing and healthy

social relationships. In addition, according to Bancroft and Silverman (2002), “the emotional

effects that batterers have on their children, the batterer’s modeling shapes the belief system of

children in the home, including their outlook on abuse in relationships, personal responsibility,

violence and aggression, and sex role expectations” (pg. 53). The batterer’s style, both as a


partner and a parent can have powerful implications for the functioning of the family as a whole.

By presenting long term effects on their children’s emotional, behavior and psychological well-

being.

Methodology

I conducted three interviews with females in the ages of (30-40). I conducted one on one

interviews in their own homes; so they can feel relaxed. I developed 10 questions relating to

topic of domestic violence and its effects on a person’s psychological well-being. The questions

covered the individual’s experience of domestic violence, how the abuse affected the individual,

and did they experience any anxiety or depression. In addition, questions reflected a section on

emotional development which discussed how the individual feels about experiencing domestic

violence. The questions I asked were:

1. How old were you, when you first experienced domestic violence?

2. How did it make you feel?

3. How did you react when you first experienced domestic violence?

4. Did you tell anyone? If so, who?

5. Did your father or mother consume alcohol?

6. Did your mother or father consume drugs? If so, what type of drug?

7. Did it affect you in school? If so, How?

8. Did you suffer from depression? If so, how?

9. Did you suffer from anxiety? If so, how?

10. Did domestic violence effect you as an adult? If so, how?


Results/ Data

Questions Subject 1 Subject 2 Subject 3 Similarities Differences 1. How old were you, when you first experienced domestic violence?

4 years old 3 years old 11 years old

None , all different ages

Yes, different ages

2. How did it make you feel?

Scared Scared Scared Yes, all three felt scared

No, all felt scared

3. How did you react when you first experienced domestic violence?

Sat in the corner of the bedroom

Cried Hide in the bedroom

Yes, hide and sat in the bedroom

Yes, one cried

4. Did you tell anyone? If so, who?

No No No Yes, no one told.

No, all three did not say a word.

5. Did your father or mother consume alcohol?

Yes, bothParents.

Father only

Father only Yes, all three their father.

Yes, one said mother.

6. Did your mother or father consume drugs? If so, what type?

None Father only, cocaine.

Not aware of it.

No, all different answers.

Yes, one said no, other father consumed cocaine, and not aware it.

7. Did it affect you in school? If so, how?

Yes, did not focus in academics.

No, her mom got out of marriage.

No, onetime occurrence.

Yes, two were not affect in school.

Yes, one was affect by not being able to focus on academics.

8. Did you suffer from depression? If so, how?

Yes, sleeping too much, eating a lot.

Yes, isolated for months, no eating, sleeping.

Yes, childhood life.

Yes, all suffered depression and two over sleeping.

Yes, all suffered depression in a different way. Isolated, childhood life, eating too much, and not wanting to eat.


9. Did you suffer from anxiety? If so, how?

Yes, always nervous, looking always around.

No Yes, childhood life.

Yes, two suffered anxiety.

Yes, one did not suffer anxiety. The other two suffered. anxiety differently; childhood life, nervous, and always looking around.

10. Did domestic violence effect you as an adult? If so, how?

Yes, got into a marriage the same as mother; unhealthy.

Yes, got into similar relationships.

No, it was a onetime occurrence.

Yes, two were affected by prior relationships.

Yes, one was not affected.

When reviewing the information I collected from the three interviews conducted, they

were many similarities about how the experience of domestic violence impacted their emotional

development, psychological well-being, and social relationships. The three interviews explained

that their reaction to domestic violence was the feeling of being scared. They believed this was

due to feeling hopelessness and unable to seek help. The first thing they thought of doing was

hide in the bedroom, except for the second interview. All interviewees stayed quiet about the

domestic violence that would occur in their home environment, they did not tell anyone about it.

In addition, all three interviews claimed, their father consumed alcohol, which resulted in the

embarrassment of bringing friends over. The second interview explained father consumed

cocaine in addition to alcohol. They stated that no one’s mother consumed drugs. As a result of

the domestic violence trauma, all three interviewees suffered depression. The first two interviews

felt the need of sleeping a lot and the third interview claims, childhood life traumas made her feel

depressed all the time. They also suffered from anxiety; the first and third interviews. Claiming,

that as soon as they would recall an event of their trauma those feelings of insecurity,

nervousness, and panic attacks would arise again. The first and second interviews were affected

by domestic violence in adulthood, by getting involved in unhealthy relationships similar to


those they experienced in childhood. All three interviews discussed the long term emotional and

psychological impact in their childhood and adulthood life.

The differences between the interviews were that all of them suffered domestic violence

in different ages in their life. In the second interview, she was the only one that cried when she

first experienced domestic violence. Due to the fact she was only three years old at the time. The

only mother that consumed alcohol was the first interview; she stated that her mother drank

alcohol with her father so he would not abandon the home. In addition, she suffered from

focusing on academics at school for many years due to the trauma and violence at home. All

interviewees suffered depression differently; the first interview suffered from over eating, second

interview isolated herself for months and not wanting to eat, and third interview because of

major childhood life traumas (child abuse, foster care, rape, teen mom). The only one not

suffering from anxiety was the second interview. Finally, after all ten questions only the third

interview stated not being effected by domestic violence as an adult, because mother left the

relationship with her father right away after the first experience.

Discussion

The information gathered from the interviews coincided with the information in literature

review. The literature states that children who are exposed to listening to the abuse of their

mother go through an emotional roller coaster. One of many emotions that children experience is

fear. This was seen in my interviews. Each interviewee discussed how witnessing their father

abuse their mother causes them to feel scared. Due to the fact that they felt scared, each one of

my interviewees did not say a word to no one about the domestic violence at home. They

believed this was due to feeling hopeless and unable to seek for help. Children living in fear have

a hard time hanging out with friends, forming trust bonds, being able to socialize, and have low


quality friendships. By my interviews, I noticed how their father’s alcoholism resulted in the

embarrassment of bringing friends over. This prevented them from forming close relationships

with friends. In the research from the literature children tend to also show elevated behavioral

problems, anxiety, withdrawn, and learning difficulties. This showed in the data I collected from

all three interviewees. They suffered from anxiety, depression and focusing in school. Claiming,

that as soon as they would recall an event of trauma those feeling of nervousness and panic

attacks would arise again. The feeling of sleeping a lot and childhood life traumas made them

feel depressed all the time. These problems can continue for children as they grow into

adulthood. Two out my three interviewees were affected by domestic violence in adulthood, by

getting involved in unhealthy relationships similar to those experienced in childhood. It becomes

a cycle for children experiencing domestic violence in their home. Girls observe the abuse that

the father inflicts in their mother and as they grow up they believe it’s okay for their boyfriend or

husband to abuse them also, just because that’s all they have seen and known. Boys on the other

hand, observe there is no negative consequence for the abusive use of power and control that

they begin to model that behavior in their own relationships. These behaviors that children and

teenagers demonstrate are the aftermath of domestic violence. These are the consequences that

domestic violence can bring into the development of the lives of children and their adult life as

well. Its crucial children get the right guidance, counseling, and therapy to help them overcome

all the trauma they experienced living in domestic violence.

Conclusion

While reading literature on this topic, conducting interviews, and connecting the

interviews to the literature, I learned that domestic violence can have a long term effect on a

child’s emotional, behavioral and psychological well-being. Some major themes that emerged


from the data include; children feeling very powerless in the face of their fathers violence and

thoughts of wanting to do something to protect their mothers but were to frighten to be able to

act on it, the batterer’s modeling shaping the belief systems of children in the home, including

their outlook on abusive relationships, personal responsibility, violence and aggression. Also, not

being able to form healthy relationships, social interactions, wanting to be isolated, low self-

esteem, signs of anxiety and depression arise to adulthood. All these things that I researched

from books, journal, and my interviews gave me a clearer understanding that I was right all

along. That domestic violence has a huge impact on the lives and development of children. I can

definitely relate to all the literature and the women I interviewed. I also experienced great fear as

a child from up in a domestic violence home. It was always dramatizing knowing every day that

my step father would fight with my mother out of nowhere. All these episodes for in the long run

caused me to be aggressive to other children at school and to have great hate towards my

mother’s boyfriend, later husband. I would have dreams and thoughts of planning to get rid of

him so my mother and I could live in peace. For years I had this wall all around me, the fear of

men hurting me just exactly the way my mother was treated. Unfortunately, after years of me

moving out of my mother’s home, I got involved in an abusive relationship, where I was verbally

and mentally abused. I could not believe that I would get caught up in a relationship like that,

after experiencing it as a child. But it happened. I know deep inside that was not what I wanted

for my life. So I escaped from that relationship and looked for support in friends, coworkers, and

my professors from college. That eventually helped me get through all that baggage I had lived

as a child and adult life. It is very important as a victim of domestic violence to get help and

surround yourself with positive people that can bring harmony and shine light on your life. Just

because your life as a child did not go as it should have had too. That does not mean your adult


life can have promise, success, happiness and break that abusive cycle. Therapy and counseling

is suggested for children who witness domestic violence. I also recommend that the earlier one

goes to counseling and therapy one can begin the healing process to recovery. It will take time,

and once it’s all put in the past one can move forward to healthy relationships and the joy of

enjoying one’s own life.


References

Bancroft, L., & Silverman, J. (2002). The batterer as parent: Addressing the impact of domestic

violence on family dynamics. Thousand Oaks, Calif.: Sage Publications.

Bermann, S., & Edleson, J. (2001). Domestic violence in the lives of children: The future of

research, intervention, and social policy. Washington, DC: American Psychological

Association.

Dodd, L. (2009). Therapeutic group work with young children and mothers who have

experienced domestic abuse. Educational Psychology In Practice, 25(1), 21-36.

doi:10.1080/02667360802697571

McGee, C. (2000). Childhood experiences of domestic violence. London: Jessica Kingsley.

Milano, S. (1996). Defending our lives: Getting away from domestic violence and staying safe.

New York: Anchor Books.

Wiehe, V. (1998). Understanding family violence treating and preventing partner, child, sibling,

and elder abuse. Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications.

Wilson, K. (1997). When violence begins at home: A comprehensive guide to understanding and

ending domestic abuse. Alameda, CA: Hunter House ;.

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