Unit 5

Friends for Life

Joyce Brothers

Dr. Joyce Brothers For 30 years Dr. Joyce

Brothers has been the dean of American psychologists. Possessing limitless energy and vitality, Dr. Joyce Brothers, who is an NBC Radio Network personality, is also a noted psychologist, columnist, author, business consultant, wife and mother.

About the Author

Dr. Joyce Brothers broadcasts on the NBC Radio Network Mondays through Fridays. Dr. Joyce Brothers is able to pursue her other careers simultaneously.

She is a regular columnist for Good Housekeeping Magazine and contributing editor for Parade Magazine. She also writes a daily column that is published in more than 350 newspapers. Her books have been translated into 26 languages.

Questions for Para.1-2 What is the definition of “friend” by psychologists?

Friends are identified by psychologists as those who accept each other, confide in each other, and feel responsible for each other.

How does the author understand “friends” ？ According to the author, friends are those who pr

ovide essential companionship, emotional and financial support that people once got from their families.

Language Work endearment: n. expression of affection, the act of

endearing 表示爱意 e.g. I can’t say I appreciate this gesture of endear

ment. In fact, it makes me sick. term: 术语 Translation: 你被骗相信这件事的正当性。用专业

术语来说，你被“洗脑”了。 You were tricked into believing the rightfulness of t

he case, in technical terms, you have been “brainwashed”.

cf. terminology a term of endearment: an expression of affection,

a word that makes people feel warm and beloved.爱称

identify: to find out exactly what something is

e.g. After years of research scientists have identified the virus that is responsible for the disease.

confide: to tell someone a secret or discuss your private feelings with them

confide in

e.g. I hope you know that you can always confide in me.

confide sth. to sb.

e.g. He confided his doubts to me.

confide that

e.g. She confided to friends that she was scared of her mother.

transient / transitory adj. lasting for only a short period of time

e.g. His many love affairs had only brought him transient pleasures.

Translation: 她稍纵即逝的美丽，无法为她找到真正的爱情。

Her transient beauty cannot find her true love. Main Idea of Part One

The two paragraphs serve as an introduction in which the author raises a common problem– “we often have a hard time knowing what the term (friend) means”.

Main Idea of Part Two

In this part the author uses her own experiences to tell the readers that friendship can occur in marriage and families, which might be a surprise to many people.

rank as/ among: to regard as having a certain relative position

e.g. Yao Ming ranks among the world’s best basket-ballers.

e.g. This result ranks as one of their most successful election performances of the last ten years.

kinship: family relationship

neglect v. to give too little attention or care

e.g. Staff at the hostel were accused of neglecting and abusing children in their care.

Syn. overlook, ignore

affirm: v. to declare positively or firmly; maintain to be true 断定，肯定

Syn. assert, confirm, endorse

affirmative: adj.

e.g. All I’m looking for is an affirmative answer from the customer.

tend to: have a tendency toward, be likely to…

e.g. Children from divorced families tend to be more afraid of relationships.

e.g. Children from divorced families have a tendency toward fear of relationships.

blossom: n. & v. flower, to flower

Syn. bloom cf. bosom: n. chest, the chest considered as the

source of emotion; (adj.) close, intimate

e.g. pain in the bosom; a bosom friend, etc.

boom: v. To grow or develop rapidly

e.g. Business is booming.

vigilance n. alert watchfulness 警戒 , 警惕 , 警惕性

e.g. Looking after young children requires constant vigilance—you never know what they’ll get up to next.

vigilante n. 义务警员 vigilantism [ 美 ] 治安维持会的政策 , 制度

What is the meaning of the phrase “a gradual relaxation of vigilance over what partners reveal to each other about themselves”?

The phrase explains the preceding term “a process of sharing”. According to modern psychology people usually adopt a defensive attitude in the initial stage of befriending . In this stage , an individual has a kind of caution or alertness in his communication with new friends. This kind of emotional and psychological distance is called vigilance. With the development of friendship, they become more familiar with each other, and the alertness is removed bit by bit, and the distance between them is shortened little by litle, hence gradual relaxation.

inclination: n. The act of inclining or the state of being inclined; a bend or tilt 趋势，趋向

incline: v. make …have a tendency toward… e.g. I’m inclined to blame all my failures on the mis

fortunes of fate. cf. decline: v. to slope downward; descend; to refu

se

Translation: 他谢绝了我们的邀请，真是令人意外。 He declined our invitation, which was rather surpri

sing.

What does “… when the intensity becomes too one-sided “ mean?

Here the author means that even a best-friendship needs the balance mentioned in the preceding two sentences. It gets out of balance (i.e. it will become unsteady), if one of the two parties is very open and protective of the other, but the other party does little in return.

Main Idea of Part Three

In this part the author discusses the importance of friendship outside familial ties, after that, the author goes on to offer suggestions on friend-making.

Question for Part Four

Was there any problem in Michael’s relation with his girlfriend? Where did the problem stem from?

Yes. It can be inferred that Michael had some problem with his girlfriend before he met Marcia. The problem stemmed from his out-of-date knowledge about women and his patronizing attitude to them.

patronizing: behaving to other people as if superior or more important, i.e. like a patron 俨然以恩人态度的 , 要人领情的

patron (sponsor, supporter, protector) patronize (act as a sponsor, etc.)

Main Idea of Part Four These three paragraphs are about friendship bet

ween opposite sexes. The author makes it clear in para.11 that friendship with someone of the opposite sex can enrich one’s experience (eye-opening experience).

straighten out: to settle (something) by removing the confusion or difficulties in it 澄清

e.g. Mr. Rogers promised he would straighten everything out, so I signed the paper.

e.g. They seem to have the completely wrong idea of what I want. Can you straighten it out?

rivalry: n. the act of competing or emulating. 对抗；竞争行为

rival: n. one who attempts to equal or surpass another, or who pursues the same object as another; a competitor

Translation: 《失乐园》描述了上帝与其最大对手撒旦之间的对立。

Paradise Lost depicts the confrontation between God and his arch rival, Satan.

What is the meaning of “sibling rivalry” ？ Sibling rivalry refers to our natural tendency to c

ompete with our brothers or sisters for affection of our parents or other favorable acknowledgements in school and society.

Main Idea of Part Five

Here the author shifts to another subtopic– how to fix a broken friendship. With the example of her relation with her sister she shows that problems in friendship can be “straightened out”, if you sincerely love your friends.

Can you identify any metaphor used in Para.14? Try to explain it.

The writer uses a vivid metaphor “battle with cancer” to compare her husband’s struggle with cancer to a battle.

Main Idea of Part Six In the last part, the author turns back to the

subtopic: friend-making. Here the author directs her discussion to her friendship with her grandchildren. The discussion echoes the statement in the third paragraph: “Friendship can occur any place…”

A true friend is someone who stays with you for life. The sharing of intimacies, including our fears as well as out dark dreams, is the surest way to deepen friendships.

What are some of the obstacles to friendship? The greatest is the temptation to expect too much too soon. Deep relationships take time. Another difficulty is the selfish tendency to think one “possesses” the other, with an almost exclusive right to his time and attention. Similarly, friendships require mutual actions. In brief, you must give as much as you take. Unless you spend reasonable time together, talking on the phone, writing letters, doing things together, friendships will “wither”. As in all interpersonal relationships, success depends on clarity of purpose, openness to others, and a willingness to experiment.