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)) ((
TThheeFFaammiillyy1
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1 This lecture was given in summer 2003 CE at Masjid Ibn Taymeeyah (Brixton Mosque, London).
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Copyright SalafiManhaj 2005
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BByyaall--QQaaaaddeeee,,SShhaayykkhhAAbbdduussSSaallaaaamm
BBuurrjjiissAAaall--AAbbdduullKKaarreeeemm((rraahheeeemmaahhuullllaaaahh))
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ll ll ll-- iiTTrraannssaatteeddbbyyAAbbdduuHHaaqqaaAAsshhaanntt
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful,
May prayers and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah
and upon his family, companions and whoever is with him.
To proceed:
The Muslim family has a rectifying core role in a society, if
the family is rectified and sound, adhering to the Divine
Legislation of Allaah and producing righteous children who
are a part of the Islamic society; the Islamic society will be
rectified, sound and steadfast. From this angle, the
messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam)
highlighted that the best way to begin a good family is for
the Muslim to choose a righteous wife. This is because a
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righteous wife will help and assist in establishing up a
righteous and sound family and she is a kernel for nurturing
righteous children. Allaah also made from the happiness of
a man, a righteous wife. He commanded the believers to ask
Allaah to make their wives and children the coolness of
their eyes. If a Muslim begins with choosing a righteous
wife, that is a cause for his success.
Then from here it is upon him to begin with nurturing this
family and its foundation in accordance with the commandsof Allaah and His messenger. He must begin establishing a
family upon the foundation of the Quraan and sunnahand
in this way the wife will aid him. So therefore he must begin
himself by applying the Quraan and sunnah in the society.
The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) said Each of
you is a Shepard, and all you are responsible for your own
flock.2 A man is like a Shepard, responsible for his flock, in
his house. The woman is also like a Shepard and responsible
for the house of her husband. The first thing for a Muslim to
know is to be righteous with his family, this is the best kind
of closeness according to Allaah. The way a man should
behave with his family should be a manner which is better
than he would behave with other people. This is clear from
the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam),
The best of you are those who are the best to their
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2 Bukhaaree and Muslim.
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families,3 so the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam)
emphasised that the best people who are deserving to be
described as being the best, are those who are the best to
their families. If a person benefits himself and those who
are close to him, he will thus benefit others. As for not
benefiting at all those who are under his responsibility, no
good will return to him.
The messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam)
certainly applied this, whether he was fulfilling the needs ofhis family or co-operating in the house with his wives, he
carried for them many heavy burdens and established good
manners and good treatment for them, to the extent that he
(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) put forth a most important
similitude in this issue. The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi
wassallam) used to drink from the same place on a cup
which Aaishah (radi Allaah anha)used to drink from. He
(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) would put his lips on the
same place from a cup that Aaishah has put her mouth, as a
way to make clear his love for her and to make it clear to
the people that they should manifest mutual love,
gentleness and compassion for their wives, upon which the
family is built upon. This is encouraged by the virtue of
Allaah and then by the presence of such qualities and is
from the affairs which Islaam gives concern to so that the
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3 Tirmidhee, hasan.
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souls of the Muslims become comfortable to establish the
obedience of Allaah. As if a soul within its home is worried
or disturbed and uneasy it will show this outside and be
worse, devoid of good actions outside of the home. For this
reasons Islaam views the family, alongside mutual love and
gentleness which is the wisdom of Allaah in the creation of
the male and female and the marriage of them to each other
so that they live with each other until they find with each
other mutual love and mercy as Allaah mentions in the
Quraan. The wisdom in this is clear and manifest, which isthe concern of the Muslim society to establish its service
and needs upon complete readiness.
It is obvious that all families will at times find within them
differences of opinion as this is the natural way of humans,
if living becomes intensified or difficult or mixing becomes
increased this can lead to rancour, differences of opinion
and views which lead to differences. Islaam came to give
families a very beautiful system, preserving the family from
detachment and break-up. So these differences that can
emerge between the spouses have many solutions in Islaam
such as seeking a way out of this difference within the
scope of the spouses. As if a way out is sought within the
scope of the spouses it will have greater benefit and they
will not be controlled in most cases. For this reason, from
the wisdom of Islaam is that it does not allow the
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involvement of other parties when spouses are at variance
with each other except as a last resort, seeking a judge from
his family and a judge from her family. Also look at Islaams
concern for that which is particular to the family and
preservation of those personal matters which are natural to
all families. Islaam does not prescribe judges to be those
who are outside of the family, rather a judge from his family
and a judge from her family preserving the delicate matters
that concern this family and eradicate the intervention and
interference of outside parties which can agitate or corruptthe familys grace and tranquillity.
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Of these differences are those which Islaam views as being
on the part of the man, who is the one who must find a
solution. When Islaam gave the man leadership of the family
it did not give him the right to depart and be hasty howeverhe wishes, no. Rather Islaam gave the man this
accountability on the basis of the principles of the Divine
Legislation which Allaah had legislated. However, why did
Allaah give the man the main responsibility to find a
solution to these problems and differences? It is because
every society must have a leader, and if there is a society
that does not have a leader then such a society will be
corrupted, this is very clear. Even the animals such as
sheep and goats always have a central leader who is
followed by the others and if the leader moves the others
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follow and if the leader sits, then the rest will also sit. The
sunnahof Allaah is that every society which does not have a
leader who is responsible, the society will be corrupted and
destroyed.4
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4 This is what has happened to the family unit in many kuffaarcountries as families have disintegrated due
to factors based on a variety of destructive concepts including that of fringe extremist feminism, wherein
some of them even argue that marriage is nothing but legalised rape! In the 1971 CE Declaration of
Feminismit was stated that the end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the
liberation of women.!! As a result, extremist feminist ideologues have written that inequalities between
women and men will only end when marriage is destroyed! Indeed, they even went so far as to compare
marriage to slavery. Sheila Cronin, head of the feminist organisation NOW stated: Since marriage
constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the womens movement must concentrate on attacking
this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage. Others likened
marriage to prostitution and one of the most hardcore radical feminists, Andrea Dworkin, a Jewish-
American, author of Pornography Men Possessing Women (London: Womens Press, 1981) claimed:
Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice. Rape, originally defined as abduction,
became marriage by capture. Marriage meant the taking was to extend in time, to be not only use of
but possession of, or ownership. However, this simplistic and shallow prescription totally opposes the
fitra of women and is borne out of Anglo-European historical experiences of marriage wherein the woman
was the property of man and had to take on the mans family name and so forth. Indeed, Dworkin herself
would later get married to a man!!? In Islaam there is no contradiction or pretence, the same cannot be
ascribed and the extremist feminists provide nothing credible as alternatives. This has led them to conjure
up some very irresponsible and corrupted ideas leading some of them to even claim that families support
oppression and that families must be destroyed (!!) etc., yet even other women accused these ideas as
being misandrist (a man-hater). Such ideas, which gained ground in the 1970s and 1980s, laid the basis for
developing the idea that families were restrictive and intrinsically misogynistic and that women should go
out into the workplace. These ideas also began to gain ground in Muslim countries such as Morocco,
Egypt, Malaysia etc. for example and it is also pitiful to observe Muslims blindly following the kuffaarin
this and basing their methodologies upon whatyahoodee lesbians (!) have formulated with no guidance. In
some cases, the kuffaarfeminists have largely based their theories on their personal experiences which led
them to extremes (like Dworkin for example who was beaten and abused by her ex-husband). For more on
womens rights in Islaam see: Umm Salamah as-Salafiyyah, al-Intisaar ul-Huqooq il-Muminaat(Sanaa:
Daar ul-Athaar, 1423 AH/2002 CE), translated into English as: Supporting the Rights of the Believing
Women (Texas: Tarbiyyah Publications, 2006 CE). Also see: Naima B. Robert,From My Sisters Lips
(London: Bantam Press, 2005 CE). [TN]
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The family is a society so it is a must for there to be a leader
of this family to whom affairs of guidance are referred to
and final judgements are made by. Islaam made it for the
man to establish these important aspects and in reality it is
a heavy burden to bear as it is a great trust and
responsibility. A leader of a country for example, does not
mean that he is the highest of the people or the one with the
most weight or the most famous of the people; rather within
this leadership is responsibility, as the Prophet (sallallaahu
alayhi wassallam) stated Within it is a source of disgraceand regret on the Day of Judgement.5 Likewise, the man in
his leadership of the home and his responsibility to it, will
be accounted over it on the Day of Judgement and regarding
his responsibility, as Allaah said,
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