Post on 13-Sep-2014
description
Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
communication
Ed Batista
May 5, 2014
Executive coach
Instructor @ Stanford GSB
www.edbatista.com
blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Who am I?
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we1:1 communication
Group norms
You & your colleagues
going?
How will weConcepts
Exercises & debriefs
1:1 feedback
get there?
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
Startups ashuman systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Complex group dynamics
Communication = survival
Feedback = learning
Relationships matter
Startups ashuman systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Think about this team…
How are you communicating?
How would you like to communicate?
Concepts #1Today’s headline
The simplest feedback model
Feelings
The net
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
The headlineFeedback is stressful
So criticize with skill
& give more heartfelt praise
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerable
But feelings influence
And vulnerability closeness
Comfort with discomfort
Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
The netDavid Bradford
How to avoid triggering defensiveness?
How to increase perceptions of
fairness?
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
ReadMore
My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and
my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The netStay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Concepts #2Social threat
SCARF model
Relationships
The net (again)
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Threat responseaka “Fight or flight”
Physiological signs?
Emotional signs?
Photo by William Warby [link]
Threat responseCognitive impairment…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
Social threat(Some) social situations ≈ Physical
threats
Many times/day
Most common location?
Social threatA problem…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
All affect communication
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
SCARF model
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
ReadMore
David RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?
SCARF modelStatus
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
ReadMore
Use the modelWhen giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
Play fair*
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
Use the modelWhen getting feedback…
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful
relationships?ReadMore
RelationshipsFeeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to “bids”
Mutual influence
5:1 positive to negative
“Emotional bank account”
Relationships& conflict
Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
Startups ashuman systems
Think about your teammates…
How’s your emotional bank account?
What are you doing to build the
relationship?
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
The netHow to minimize defensiveness?
How to increase sense of fairness?
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and
my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The netStay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
Diminish social threat & defensiveness
Increase sense of fairness
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
Startups ashuman systems
Think about your teammates…
When do you cross their net?
When do they cross yours?
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Concepts #3Emotional intelligence & groups
Talking about feelings
Group norms
EQ and groupsWhy care?
Effective teams
Participation, cooperation,
collaboration
Can’t mandate behavior
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
ReadMore
EQ and groupsEssential conditions…
Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of the
team)
Strongly affected by group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
EQ and groupsIndividual EQ
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ suppression)
Inward (one’s own emotions)
Outward (others’ emotions)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
EQ and groupsHigh EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotion
Help regulate emotion
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Startups ashuman systems
Think about how you show up on this
team…
How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you regulate your
emotions?
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Talking aboutAffect labeling
Amygdala
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about
emotion
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
ReadMore
Talking aboutGroup norms
Norms define what’s normative
Can we talk about feelings here?
Overcome embarrassment
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
Our normsConsider company norms
Create awareness of emotions
Help regulate emotions
ReadMore
Photo by jm3 [link]
We never… We
always…
1. Spend time getting to knowothers personally.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
3. Share thoughts and emotionswith others in the moment.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistanceto our decisions.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluateour own effectiveness.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
7. Acknowledge and discuss the feelingin the group in the moment.
Norms that createawareness
We never… We
always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings.
Norms that help regulate
We never… We
always…
2. Call out behavior that violatesthose ground rules.
Norms that help regulate
We never… We
always…
3. Express acceptance ofothers’ emotions.
Norms that help regulate
We never… We
always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help regulate
We never… We
always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledgeand relieve stress.
Norms that help regulate
We never… We
always…
6. Express optimism aboutthe team’s capabilities.
Norms that help regulate
We never… We
always…
7. Provide others with positivefeedback in the moment.
Norms that help regulate
Our normsWhat norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What might we do as a team?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Concepts #4Positive feedback
Mindset
Soft start
5 levels
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Positive feedbackA paradox
So important
So often ineffective
What’s wrong?
Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
Positive feedbackWe may not trust it
We may even resent it
We often praise the wrong things
ReadMore
Positive feedbackDon’t praise to buffer criticism
Use a soft start*
Positive feedbackDon’t praise to overcome resistance
Use other influence tactics
Positive feedbackDon’t praise ability
Praise effort and persistence
Carol Dweck
How do we feel about our abilities?
How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
ReadMore
Talent & intelligence are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or character flaws
Negative emotional response to mistakes
Talent & intelligence can be developed
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more
Fixed Growth
Mindset
ReadMore
Soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
Soft start
Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
Like this
Soft startBegin with positive intent
(But don’t bullshit)
Emphasize mutual goals
Be mindful of your stress
ReadMore
5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
Increasing levels of meaning, value
and risk
ReadMore
5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most meaningful
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Remember…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]