Negotiating with those we love

Dr. Alan HeadeyClinical PsychologistLady Cilento Children’s Hospital and Mater Health

True or False?

Diabetes is the leading cause of…- Eye disease (retinopathy)- Kidney disease (nephropathy)- Amputations- Premature death

FALSE!

Well controlled diabetes is the leading cause of….

NOTHING!

You need to understand RISK

• What is HbA1c?• Why is it important?• Is it the only thing that matters?

Let’s talk about negotiation

Story time…

Positional Bargaining

• We focus on our interests, and this prevents us from understanding their interests.

Good negotiation

• Ask • Listen• Explore options • Agree on criteria to evaluate whether it

worked

• “Let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate”

- JFK

Common Mistakes We Make

Threats / Rewards

It’s OK to Discuss Safety – but the “how” matters

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you ever regret.”

Ambrose Bierce

Strike Back

“If you are angry count to 10, if you are very angry count till 100”

Jefferson Davis

Antidote: Give yourself time• “Hmmm…. let me think about that."• WAIT TILL 8!

Give in• Because it’s easier• Because I feel guilty• Because I was rushed• Because I did not say, “Let me think about it”

Antidote: Go to the Balcony

• Observe• Think• Talk

Disengage• “Stepping back” might seem like a good idea at

the time• The ‘assignment’ is almost always too tough• Support is always required• If you are disengaging, it is a sign that you need

help. That is, someone to reflect with you.

Your Comments and Questions