Post on 28-Dec-2015
How to Raise a Child with High EQ
Becomin
g a High EQ
Parent
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Essential Tasks
What must you teach your child about emotions?
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
The Good Enough Parent
Near-Perfection
Disappointment, Frustration and Optimal Failure
Sense of Self & Other
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
The Trouble with Perfection
If you know everything… no need for your child to communicate clearly
If you understand everything… no need for your child to understand self or others
If you protect from everything… no need for your child to become strong and wise
If you handle everything… no need for your child to be capable, resourceful and creative
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Play is the
work of children
…Anna Freud
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Definition of EQ
“a subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to…
…monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions
…discriminate among them
…use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions”
(Salovey & Mayer 1989)
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
EQ Skills include…
Empathy Expressing &
understanding feelings Controlling one’s temper Independence Adaptability Being well-liked Interpersonal problem
solving Persistence Friendliness Kindness Respect
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Similarities between EQ & IQ
Each is a mix of what we get & what we become Natural ability/ 10,000 hours Temperament/ Environment
Both develop step by step
Each impacts the other
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Differences between IQ & EQINTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT
Measurable
Stable after Age 6
EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT
Not measurable, but recognizable
Grows and develops throughout life
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
“Good” & “Bad” Emotions
Emotions are natural responses, all part of one wide range of feeling and expression
Cutting off the “bad” ones impacts our ability to feel and express all the others
Ideas of which emotions are “bad” change over time
Parents may feel obligated to prevent their children from feeling or expressing “bad” emotions
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Essentials for the High EQ Parent
Understand what’s essential
Know yourself and your style
Take an affirmative approach to caring and discipline
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Parenting Style: Authoritarian Consistent and
strict rules Expects obedience
and respect Discourages
questions or opinions
Devoted to structure and tradition
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Parenting Style: Permissive
Situational guidelines instead of rules
Passive expectations for behavior
Encourages questions and opinions
Devoted to accepting and nurturing children as individuals
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
The Middle Way: Authoritative Parenting
Balance clear limits with a nurturing approach
Give guidance and structure without being overly controlling
Explain decisions and allow children to have input, while remaining “the bottom line”
Value independence but hold high standards for responsibility to others
Encourage and praise competence
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Know Yourself & Find your Balance
Accept Imperfection
Accept how you parent, and how you want to parent
Balance Yourself
Balance with Others
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Affirmative Caring
Participate in a planned, active and reflective way
Follow your child’s lead
Praise honestly and accurately
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Affirmative Discipline: Groundwork
Know your rules
Teach expectations
Prevent problems
Shape behavior
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Affirmative Discipline: Responses
First step: Warning
Broken Rule: Punishment that’s immediate, appropriate & commensurate
Options: Learn to use a range of discipline techniques
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Discipline Techniques
Reprimand
Natural consequence
Time-out
Taking away a privilege
Overcorrection
Behavior system
Chase Collegiate School 3/3/10
Upcoming Conversations
April 7: EQ Thinking Skills(Shapiro, Part 3)
May 5: Self-Motivation and Achievement Skills(Shapiro, Part 6)