A DICK

DON’TNEGOTIATE LIKE A DICK

INTEGRATIVE NEGOTIATION ADVICE FROM ROGER FISHER AND WILLIAM URY

https://www.flickr.com/photos/23950335@N07/

there is a widely held misunderstanding about what great

negotiation is

and that misconception is that great negotiation is fair for all sides

i’ll let you in on a little secret

great negotiation is not about being fair

your choices are not limited to win-lose (unfair outcomes) or

win-win (fair outcomes)

in fact, there is a third option

and that is what great negotiation is all about

the key to understanding this third option is to disabuse yourself of the notion that win-win is about

being fair

what you’ve been defining as win-win, is actually lose-lose

let me explain by way of an example and a story

by way of example, let’s assume that we are negotiating over 100%

of something

win-lose occurs when we split the 100% in an unfair distribution, let’s

say i get 60% and you get 40%

in this case, i win and you lose

and as a result, we may have damaged our long-term relationship

a bit

then there is the case where we split the 100% fairly

i get 50% and you get 50%

in practice, this is what most of us call win-win

but in fact, this is lose-lose

although we may remain friends after the encounter

both of us end up equally disappointed with what we got

so if win-lose is unfair and unhappy negotiation and lose-lose is fair, but unsatisfying negotiation, then what

is win-win?

win-win negotiation happens when each of us gets 100%.

* win-win negotiation is also known as integrative (not distributive) negotiation is defined in greater detail by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their seminal book, Getting to Yes

huh?!?!

how can two people get 100% of 100%

easy

turn the original 100% into 200%

you do this with creativity and by listening to, and understanding, the

underlying interests of each party

here is a story from Fisher & Ury that demonstrates the magic of

200%….

a mother returns home from a long day at the office and finds her two

daughters in the kitchen fighting

they are screaming at each other and locked in a tug of war

the mother sees that they are fighting over an orange

she forcefully separates the girls

and with both the girls complaining loudly, she grabs a sharp knife from

the counter top

no, this is not a greek tragedy and there will be no infanticide

instead, quietly and confidently, she cuts the orange in half and gives each girl half of the fruit

proud to have once more demonstrated mother’s wisdom at

finding a win-win solution, and enjoying the relative quiet that has

now descended, she starts to leave the kitchen

but she stops short of the door as something incredibly odd happens

the first daughter peels the half orange, throws the peel in the

garbage shoot and eats the fruit

she then goes to the refrigerator to look for a bit more food, as she

remains a bit hungry

simultaneously, and to the great surprise of the mother, the second

daughter peels the orange and throws the fruit down the garbage

shoot!

the second daughter then goes to the counter top and starts

calculating ingredients to bake half an orange cake, since she has only

half the needed orange peel

oh dear

you see what has happened right?

both daughters could have had 100% of what they wanted, but

instead, because of the seductive fallacy of fairness, they got 50%

what the mother should have done, before jumping straight to the

solution based on the apparent positions of the children (I want the

orange)

was to ask, “why”

why do you want the orange?

and this leads to real win-win negotiation

so when you are negotiating with partners, employees, bosses, vendors, children, or friends

do not allow yourself to settle for win-lose or lose-lose

push yourself to find the 200% solution

* and check out Getting to Yes by Fisher and Ury for lots more

detailed advice

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