Dealing with Difficult People

Difficult People & Conflict

• Can be anyone – even YOU!

• People are difficult because it works for them.

• Dealing with them can cause conflict

Difficult People & Conflict

• Conflict can result in an uncomfortableenvironment• Difficult behavior causes stress in others• Conflict can reduce an organizationseffectiveness

Types of Difficult People

• Bulldozer• Bullies

• Firehose• Stallers/Wafflers

• Silent Types

• Indecisives• Sniper

• Control Freak• Super-Agreeables• It’s Not Up To Me

The Bulldozer

• Know it all• Often use threats, sarcasm,

intimidation

Dealing with Dozers

• Prepare yourself• Ask questions• Focus on solution• Do not confront them

Bullies

• Loud and hostile• Abusive• Overwhelm you

Battling Bullies

• Let them run down• Get their attention• State your point non-aggressively• Don’t allow interruptions• Ask them to leave

Mr or Mrs Negativity

• Dampen Enthusiasm• Everything will fail• Negative statements• Constantly complaining

Drain the Fire Hose

• Don’t be dragged down• Don’t argue• Listen – then ask for alternatives• Don’t agree or apologize• Switch to problem solving• Take action on your own

Stallers

• Reluctant to turn down requests• Want to be liked• Afraid or unable to manage• Paralyzed by tough decisions

Sideline the Stallers

• Surface hidden concerns• Help them resolve the problem• You make the decision – with

caution• Support decisions• Keep control of situation

Silent Types

• Silent/unresponsive• Answer with a grunt• Turn away from people• Pretend nothing happened

Open the Silent Ones

• Meet with them individually• Give them time to open up• Ask open-ended questions• Wait for a response• If no comments – comment on

what’shappening

Indecisives

• Super helpful – but . . .• Postpone decisions

• Hint and beat around the bush

Resolve Indecision

• Address fears with “what if” questions

• Help resolve problems when issuessurface• Help examine facts• Watch for anger or withdrawal

Sniper

• Exclude key people• Withhold information• Use hidden attacks, innuendoes, digs,non-playful teasing• Wreck havoc and you don’t see them

Unload the Sniper

• Surface the attack• Provide peaceful alternative• Bring resistance into the open• Seek group confirmation or denial ofsnipers criticism• Use coaching/counseling if assignedtasks not done

Control Freak

• Get into everyone’s business• Undermine and insult abilities• Lack confidence & trust• Insufferable – render subordinatesineffective

Reduce Controllers

• Build trust• Take small steps toward more

authority• Keep focused on solution• Speak from your own view-point• Don’t let yourself be verbally

abused

Super-Agreeables

• Very personable• Don’t act the way they say they will• Supportive but don’t deliver

Dealing with Super-Agreeables

• Show them you like them• Prevent unrealistic commitments• Make honesty non-threatening• Point out inconsistencies in behavior• Work for a mutual benefit• Listen carefully to jokes

Its Not Up to Me

• Always point to higher authority• Invokes other powers

Let’s Ask the Authority

• Tell them you will both speak to the

higher authority

Helpful Hints

• Don’t escalate• Focus on what a person is trying to

say• Avoid being purposefully hurtful• Model behavior you want• Focus on solutions• Maintain eye contact

More Helpful Hints

• Blame the process, not the person• Be specific• Avoid always and never• Avoid name calling• Encourage listening• Confront in private – praise in public• Use your communication skills!

Resources• 14 Workplace Personalities and How to Handle Them – iVillage,• http://www.ivillage.com/work/job/succeed/articles/0,,187833_245505,• 00.html• • Online Newsletter, Dealing with Difficult People, March 1999,• http://www.itstime.com/print/mar99p.htm• • Techniques for Dealing with Difficult People, Ag Decision Maker, John• Baker, Iowa State University, Iowa Extension, October 1999• • Dealing with Difficult People,• http://www.bethanyhome.org/dealing_with_difficult_people.htm• • Dealing with Difficult People/Situations: Role of the Extension• Committee Member, University of Minnesota Extension Service• • Dealing with Difficult Members, University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire,• http://www.uwec.edu/DC/AP/complexthoughts/Dealing_w_Difficult_Mb• rs.html• • Games People Play, Presentation to BVHRMA, May 1, 2003, Jan• Pfannstiel, SPHR• • Welch, Ben D., Phd, Interpersonal Relations Skills, Presentation at• TAMU and Dealing with Difficult People, presentation June 19, 1998

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