Academic Administrators

Leadership Series – Managing Conflict

Chris Loschiavo, JD Associate Dean of Students and Director of Student Conduct and

Conflict Resolution

Overview

• Background of presenter• The definition of “Conflict”• Different styles of conflict• Tools for conflict resolution• Conflict Resolution options at UF

and in the community

Background and experiences

• Education• My job• Certified mediator• Mediated student and greek life

conflicts• Refreshed mediation training at

Donald D. Gehring Academy• Expanding conflict resolution

options at UF

Activity

Words that come to mind when you hear the word conflict.

Conflict is… • Conflict is an inevitable part of every relationship of value.

• Conflict can be resolved so that both parties feel they have “won” and without the need for someone to “lose.”

• Conflict signals a need for change/evolution in a relationship.

• Conflict can be a healthy and enriching experience, strengthening rather than weakening relationships.

• Conflict can be positive and productive, providing opportunities for learning and mutual understanding.

Reframing Negative Mindsets

Conflict is …

Rewarding Inevitable HealthyStimulating Opportunity GrowthPositive Change Creative Win/WinHelpful Enriching LearningConstructive Unifying ExcitingCollaborative Vital Productive

Perceptions, Assumptions and Values

• Perceptions: the individual frames of reference in which we view the world

• Assumptions: a guess or conclusion based on perceptions

• Values: individual beliefs that we regard highly

Breaking Down Conflict• Perceptions, assumptions and values are highly regarded

individual beliefs

• They are also self imposed barriers to communication that can often inhibit resolution of conflict

• To resolve conflict effectively, it helps to consider how our perceptions, assumptions and values are expressed. The three primary components expressed in conflict are:

Positions, Interests and Needs

The PIN Model of Conflict

POSITIONS: What we state we want

INTERESTS: What we really want

NEEDS: What we must have

The PIN ModelConsider … Amy and Latrice share an off-campus apartment. Latrice is upset because Amy had a party without telling her and damaged Latrice’s sofa, staining the cushions with food and drinks. Latrice is demanding that Amy pay $600 for a new sofa and that she no longer use any of her belongings, including furniture.

Positions (Tip of the Iceberg) What we state we

want“You and your friends have no respect for others.”

“Quit using my stuff.”

“Give me $600 by the end of next week.”

Interests (Just under waterline)

What we really want

“I want the cushions cleaned.”

“I want you to be more careful when people are over.”

“Let me know when you are having people over.”

“Please show me some respect.”

Needs (Deep under surface)

What we must have

“I need to be able to trust my roommate.”

“I need to feel respected.”

“I need to not have to worry about my stuff when going away for a weekend.”

Anger Iceberg• How is anger expressed in the

world?

• What might the underlying causes be for this expression of anger/violence?

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

The role of Unmet needs in driving conflict

• All Violence Is An Expression Of An Unmet Need

• How Recognizing Interests/Needs Support Positive Outcomes (Empathy)

• CHAMPPP Universal NeedsTaken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

CHAMPPP• CONNECTION• HONESTY• AUTOMOMY• MEANING• PEACE• PHYSICAL WELLBEING• PLAY

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

CONNECTION• ACCEPTANCE LOVE• APPRECIATION NURTURING• BELONGING RESPECT• COMMUNICATION SAFETY• CLOSENESS STABILITY• CONSIDERATION SUPPORT• EMPATHY

UNDERSTOOD• INCLUSION TRUSTTaken from "The Little Book of

Dialogue for Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt

HONESTY• AUTHENTICITY• INTEGRITY• PRESENCE

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

AUTONOMY• CHOICE• FREEDOM• INDEPENDENCE• SPACE• SPONTANEITY

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

MEANING• AWARENESS MOURNING• CHALLENGE PURPOSE• CLARITY SELF

EXPRESSION• CREATIVITY TO MATTER• DISCOVERY UNDERSTANDING• GROWTH• HOPE• LEARNING Taken from "The Little Book of

Dialogue for Difficult Subjects." Schirch and Campt

PEACE• BEAUTY• COMMUNION• EASE• EQUALITY• HARMONY• INSPIRATION• ORDER

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING• AIR SAFETY• FOOD SHELTER• WATER TOUCH• MOVEMENT• REST• SEXUAL EXPRESSION

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

PLAY• JOY• HUMOR

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

Conflict Styles• AVOIDANCE• ACCOMMODATION• COMPETITION• COMPROMISE• COLLABORATION

Everyone has a default style

Avoidance“Passive Aggressive”

When to Practice:• When issue or relationship is

unimportant• When there is no chance of a

positive outcome • When risks of confrontation

outweigh benefits of resolution• When other party has greater

power• When one or more parties needs

time to “cool down”• When it is appropriate to let others

resolve conflict • When you’re wrong

Strategies:• Ignoring the

conflict• Denial of the

conflict• Evasion of the

conflict• Joking about the

conflict

AvoidanceDisadvantages:• Decisions made by default/without input• Issues likely to remain unresolved• Loss of influence in a situation or

relationship• Leads to self-doubt and loss of self-esteem• May be unable to deal with conflicts in the

future• Demonstrates a lack of

caring/investment/credibility

Accommodation“The ‘YES” Person” or “People Pleasers”

Strategies:• Giving in or

giving up• Denying one’s own

needs• Placing harmony

over issues

When to Practice:• When one is wrong/other is

right; wrong person acknowledges and can give in

• When there is a desire for harmony in the relationship

• When relationship is more important than the dispute

• When losses can be minimized• When party needs to “save

face”• When one wants leverage

for future conflict

AccommodationDisadvantages:• Requires party to give something up• Issues likely to remain unresolved• Does not generate creative solutions• Can cause frustration and/or resentment

when someone accommodates and places harmony over resolution

• Creates a loss of influence in situation/relationship

• Can damage relationships• Can foster competition over “niceness”• Loss of credibility

CompetitionType “A” Personality

Strategies:• Hostile remarks or

jokes• Threats and/or

coercion• Denial of own

responsibility• Verbal arguments• Physical altercations• Covert actions

When to Practice:• When immediate and

decisive action is necessary

• When the style will be rewarded

• When there is no relationship of value

• When the issue is more important than the relationship

• Where a party needs to prove commitment/strength

• When total victory is desired• When competing can bring

parties together/make both better

CompetitionDisadvantages:• Strains/damages relationships• Requires that one/both/all be “losers” in conflict• Conflict may escalate• Less likely to use constructive approaches later• May encourage covert actions• Can lead to stalemates• Creates resentment and/or desire for

revenge

CompromiseStrategies:• Both parties give and

take to find a “middle ground”

• Offer a short-term resolution for “peace-keeping”

• Appeals to fair play/fairness

• Each person “gives” a little; so each person “looses” a little, too

When to Practice:• When a temporary

solution is needed• When parties are of equal

power• When parties wish to

save time and energy• When doing so “seems

fair” to all parties

CompromiseDisadvantages:• Often leaves underlying issues unresolved• Issue may become a recurring problem• Parties required to give something up• One/both/all parties may not be completely

satisfied• Becomes an easy way out of creative conflict

resolution• Leads to “position padding”

Not getting beneath the water of the PIN iceberg!

CollaborationStrategies:• Open and honest

dialogue that is positive and constructive

• Willingness to listen to another view

• Emotions dealt with properly

• Seeking input from other party

• Willingness to accept responsibility for actions

• Giving ground without “giving in” (reason v. compromise)

• Instead of both “giving in” a little, you come up with a different solution

When to Practice:• When the

relationship is important

• When a mutually satisfying outcome is sought

• When both views/sides are too important to compromise

• When underlying issues need to be addressed

• When one wants to avoid destructive means for handling conflict

• When new and creative solutions are desired

CollaborationDisadvantages:• Takes more time and energy• Requires both parties to be committed to the process• Makes a party appear unreasonable if he/she later decides

against collaboration• A collaborative party may appear weak to an aggressive party

Conflict Resolution Tools for YOU

Engaging in Healthy Dialogue

• Active & Reflective Listening• Being Attentive• Summarizing & Restating• Reframing• You / I Statements

ListeningActive Listening• Paying Attention• Listen with an open mind

Reflective Listening• Demonstrate Empathy• Signals understanding• Non-verbals: nodding, eye contact• Verbals: rephrasing and reframing

Attending

• BODY POSTURE• EYE CONTACT• NONVERBAL BEHAVIORS• PAYING ATTENTION• AVOID NERVOUS BEHAVIORS

Summarizing/Restating• Ability to reflect information back to

someone in your own words.• Confirms to the speaker that you

were listening to themRestating

Question Prefaces:• So you are saying that…• In other words…• It sounds like you...• I’ve heard you say that…

Summarizing/RestatingExample:

Student #1: I am teaching six classes this semester and I don’t

have a lot of time.

Student #2:You are saying that you are very busy because of your

heavy course load.

Reframing• To reinterpret a statement or

comment into a problem-solving frame.

• Restate what is said• Remove negative language• Reframe the discussion from

positions to interests

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

ReframingUsing reframing to deescalate:

• Faculty #1: You’re a liar. You said you would give me the opportunity to run this clinical experience.

• Department Chair #2 :It sounds like you are angry because you felt you were promised the opportunity to teach this clinical experience

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

Reframe this statementHow would you reframe this to state

an interest?

• “He’s a liar. Every time he promises to do something he has broken that promise. I can’t trust him.”

Reframe this statementHow would you reframe this to state

an interest?

• “John is a jerk. He always disagrees with me. Every time I make a suggestion he criticizes it.”

Practice Active Listening and Reframing (content and feelings)

Active listening activity• Get with a partner. For 1 minute, one of

you describe a conflict that is going on in your department. The second person, should display poor active listening skills (interrupt and offer suggestions, don’t pay attention). Then we will switch.

• For 1 minute, the next person will describe a conflict in their department. The second person should be listening and should engage in active listening and reframing.

“I” vs “You” Statements• Use "I" statements when describing the

problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame.

• For instance, say “I feel angry when you interrupt what I am saying in our departmental staff meeting," instead of, “You are disrespectful of me!"

• To do otherwise will likely upset the other person and escalate tensions.

“I” vs “You” Statements“You” statements tend to attack and/or

place blame• “You never show any concern for my

feelings!”

“I” statements tend to have the speaker assume responsibility for her or his feelings.

• “I feel angry when you talk with Sally instead of listening to what I have to say in our staff meetings.”

“I” vs “You” Statements

How could you re-word this?

• “You really tick me off when you dominate conversations.”

Poisons in Communication

Some words and phrases are more likely to be perceived as rude, abrasive, or insulting, and make it easier for the listener to act in a defensive or retaliatory manner.

These are considered poisons in communication and offer a good opportunity for reframing or questioning.

Poisons in Communication

Commands

• You should…• You

shouldn’t…• You will…• You can’t… • You must…

Comparisons

•You’re just like…•You’re nothing like…•She would never…• If I were you I’d …

Poisons in Communication

Exaggerations

• Always • Never• Constantly• Everybody• Nobody• Six times =

two• Weeks =

days

Other Poisons•Shaming• Ignoring•Name-calling•Threatening•Blaming•Contempt•Anger

Anger

Anger is:• A physical or psychological defense

against something• A response to not getting what we

want• A response to our belief that we are

being violated in some way

Managing Anger• Check your own emotions and don’t

get angry• Acknowledge the anger (Validate)• Restate / Reframe• Questions• Take a Break• Move on to something else

EmpathyAn unwavering presence that enables

a deep and meaningful connection with another person.

Reflecting another’s feelings, interests and needs without any judgment or evaluation.

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

The ladder of inference• See handouts

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

What power dynamics are present in your

department?

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

Some dynamics to think about

• Department Chair and faculty• Tenured faculty and non-tenured• Adjuncts• Faculty and staff• Faculty and students• others/?

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

Scenario• You are the Department Chair and

there is a conflict in your department regarding services provided by your administrative support staff. Some of your faculty feel as though one of their colleagues is monopolizing her time and they have come to you. They are angry because they feel as though they don’t have the same support as this other faculty member. What would you do?

Taken from "The Little Book of Dialogue for Difficult Subjects."

Schirch and Campt

UF Conflict Resolution Options

• What we currently offer and how it is accessed

• Mediation demonstration (video) http://www.dso.ufl.edu/sccr/video/mediation.mpg

• Where we are headed

Questions?